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age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Hi guys...I know that there are probably a ton of other threads pertaining to this particular subject.But I guess I just want to get my head on straight about this one guy that I have been dating. I haven't been in the dating game that long -- I've gotten out of a LTR roughly about 8-9 months ago and I'm in need of a refresher. I hope I placed this in the right thread forum. I'm a 27 year old female who met this guy (34) on an online dating site aimed at culture/music/hipster/whatevers living in my city. He and I begun a rather casual correspondence with short emails here and there over a week or two period. Since the both of us were rather new to the online dating scene, he suggested that we add each other on FB. Soon after, we started sending short IMs to each other during a short period...and then wound up exchanging phone numbers days later. After a couple of chats/text and a bit of nudging on my part, we finally went out on our first date and everything went surprisingly well. It is not that often that you meet someone right off the back and nearly have a 6 hour long straight conversation with them. He even suggested extending the date longer so that we could spend more time together.There was obviously allllllooooot of chemistry between us-- and we made plans to make another date. In between that time, we kept intense contact with each other...and were really keen on getting to know each other. Second date came around. It went well obviously... But we wound up being intimate. It was very sensual and intense and we were both amazed at what happened. He was very affectionate afterwards and expressed that he was happy that he and I had met.It's now roughly a month + a week or two into us dating and things had seemed to be on the up and up. We were still communicating with each other a lot ( texts/calls everyday), we spent a lot of time together. I even at one point was introduced to his friends (he has even met one of mine) and hung out with them for a while. We are still being intimate...but we are balancing out everything by making a conscious effort to get to know one another. He was extreamly affectionate towards me..especially with PDA...and on our last date hinted that I may just in fact be his "girl"... so I am thinking that our relationship may be headed in a certain direction. We hadn't had the exclusivity talk yet...but I had thought that was where it was heading based on the time that we were spending with each other...the contact....and the fact that we were in the beginning processes of even hanging out with each other in the company of our friends. But in the back of my mind, I am unsure if he is dating other people or not. As of a week ago, I've noticed that the texts/calls and us actually making plans to see each other have begun to dwindle off a bit. Last week, there was constant texting back and forth (mainly initiated by him but I kept it up equally) to see how each other were doing through out the days. We finally met for a date on last Thursday...spent a lot of time together that day...and I spent the night.This week, I have barely heard a peep from him. We texted each other on Sunday or Monday...Hadn't heard from him from the rest of the week. I was really stressed out with work, a close family friend had just had a heart attack on tues...and I wound up having to go to the hospital due to serious fainting spell at work (blame it on me being extremely worried and stressed). So I didn't contact him...but I had mentioned (through a status) that I had been having it rough that week on FB -- and he never commented or reached out. Yet he commented on his other friends statuses. I noticed as well that he is active on the dating site where we met. I can't tell if he is meeting other girls (although he has added two on his personal FB page)...but the dating site is somewhat similarly structured like FB where users can leave statuses to the rest of the users in our city "hub". He isn't leaving any statuses that are suggestive...more on the lines of "Oh I'm bored....at least I have some great music to listen to." or " I'm djing at XXXXXX tonight! Everyone is welcome to stop by ". But I'm like if he has been showing some interest in me, why would he have the need to keep going on the Dating site?Anyhoo, he contacted me on friday to see how I was doing and if I was free (but didn't hint that he wanted to see me)....and to tell me that he had a djing gig at a favorite venue that evening. He didn't ask me to come or anything so I didn't want to show up without him mentioning that he wanted me to. I wanted to but at the same time I am all for giving the other person their space to do their own thing. Saturday, I texted him to see if he wanted to spend time together and I still haven't heard back from him. I'm not the type of girl that stands by her phone literally WAITING or DEMANDING that someone responds back to me immediately. I have a life too and can't respond to every text. But, I thought that it was pretty shoddy that even though he may have been busy, he could have at least said "Sorry...I'm busy" or on the lines of that. He has done it in the past, so I don't understand what stopped him now. I think that I am noticing a pattern emerging. Should I back off again and not contact him...perhaps even risk sending him the message that I am not interested anymore. Has he lost interest (even though lately he has initiated some contact with me)? It's been a week since we last saw each other. What gives? He's on his last week of vacation...with a start on monday and I know that there might be an even more chance that we may not be able to see each other (since he is starting work at another company).I am never usually like this when it comes to men...but I honestly thought that I saw something with this guy-- along with the signals he was giving me. I would like to continue seeing him but I don't want to get too emotionally involved if it is just a 'casual' thing for him and he is dating other people. What should I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the advice. I think that there may lie some truth in that we both enjoy being pursued. Not quite sure, but I like this guy and am willing to show it more to him. He may have backed off even more since I didn't go to his gig, but I initiated contact with him the day after and asked how it went and to see if he wanted to do something together. That was Saturday... It is now tuesday morning and I haven't gotten a response from him :/.It turned out that he was hanging with his best friend over the weekend. Perfectly ok, but he usually would respond to my texts and or let me know if he is busy and can't spend time together.I'm worried as well about the activity on the dating site and the fact that he has added a girl or two from that site and has 'liked' their pictures. Hmmm.Well all I can do now since I haven't heard back with him is to try and get in contact with him again. If he responds and agrees to meeting up, I'll let him know about how I've started to feel about him. If he doesn't respond again I guess I pretty much got my answer that he's not interested.
A
female
reader, Candid Cally  +, writes (13 August 2012):
Honestly, i think both of you want to be the person who is 'pursued' prior to starting a relationship. He pulled back because you didn't seem interested (you didn't go to his gig).
If you like this guy, it is time to tell him that you like-like him (or whatever hipsters say when pursuing other hipsters) and ask if he like-likes you too and ask if he would like to maybe pursue a more exclusive relationship with you.
If you don't make your feelings known, he is going to think you just weren't that into him.
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