A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:A friend of mine is getting married in November and I was asked to be one of her bridesmaids. Her sister is her maid of honor however her sister seems to be dragging her heels on the planning process for everything. It's almost the middle of June and the bachelorette party is supposed to be the end of July and nothing has been planned for it yet. This causes a problem because people need to plan in advance as well as make sure they have money to attend . I have reached out to see if she needs help and to try to push her along and give her suggestions but she doesn't seem to be catching the hint. What do I do? Every step of the process from planning the bachelorette party to planning the shower as well as all the little steps in between, her sister doesn't seem to take much interest in. I don't want to overstep my boundaries as a bridesmaid or friend and I just don't know what to do. Can you please help me
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (10 June 2016):
 Do you talk to the bride often? You must have a direct line to her if you are a bridesmaid. I'd have a casual "catch up" chat with her. "Vanessa, you must be getting excited about the wedding. I'm so happy to be a bridesmaid and I'm so looking forward to all the activities running the wedding. I think the next thing that might be on the schedule would be a bachelorette party. I guess I don't know what your ideas on bachelorette party's are. Are you a fan of them? Do you have any preferences? Oh my gosh do you remember the one that Jillian had, what a hoot, that was amazing! And that the disaster that Mary had with the weather [or whatever] "Basically what you're doing is getting information from the bride about what she really wants in terms of a bachelorette party. Get the contact details of the other bridesmaids. then send a message to all of them including the maid of honor, saying you'd had a nice chat with the bride and had talked about bachelorette parties. Go on to say that you know that the bachelorette party is planned for the end of July and that you wanted to see if there was any way you could help the maid of honor, as nothing seemed set up yet. Basically, be very upbeat about how happy you are about the wedding and how much fun the bachelorette party is going to be. Ask if she'd given any thought to the budget or the venue yet. Suggest that you and the other bridesmaids could do some investigation of venues and costs. By including the other bridesmaids in this message the maid of honor might get the message that it's time to plan. Especially if you mention to one or two of the other bridesmaids in private that you would appreciate them responding to the message to emphasize the need for starting the planning. Volunteer to do some of the dirty work, it may be that the maid of honor really doesn't know what to do.But I think it's important to start this process with dealing with the maid of honor her by talking with the bride about what her wishes are. That way you have a very strong foundation on which to "help" plan with the maid of honor.To sum up, you have a private chat with the bride, you then include the other bridesmaids in a message to the maid of honor to alert the maid of honor that you're all waiting for her to do something. Be sure that you offer to help the maid of honor or in doing what she needs to do and hopefully that will help move things along.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2016): Just say that others might need to schedule the events with their work. That they'll need time to save. Ask the bride her opinion.
I wish I had had someone worry about this during my engagement. I was engaged for a year and the person who was supposed to plan my bridal shower ignored it until the last minute. Planned it for a week before the wedding. A death occurred and I canceled it. Still upset me that I didn't get a bridal shower when I was engaged for
a year because of poor planning.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2016): PS: the bride is unaware of the issue. I dont want to cause problems between the two sisters.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2016): It is perfectly ok if you want to plan a shower or bachelorette party yourself. I had a bridesmaid plan mine when I got married because she was in town & my MOH was not, and she wanted to do that. no drama.
If you are worried about the sister getting upset with you, maybe reach out to her to see if she wants to help you plan, and give her the dates & ideas you are working with. If no response, go ahead and plan away.
There is no rule that says the bride only gets one shower either, if more than one person really wants to throw her one. Just try not to duplicate guests if more than one is planned.
Anyway, hope all goes well and you have a great time at the wedding!
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (10 June 2016):
 Is the Bride herself worried? Is she aware that no plans have been made? Maybe they are both laid back. Again I would have another quick word with her sister, just say maybe you should all start making plans to give people time to save.
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