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female
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*laygirl
writes: Hi I need advice i did something and dont know what i should do about it. Im 22 and with my boyfriend for nearly 7yrs we bought a house together over a year ago and things were rocky to begin with but we overcame them and things have been great the past few months. Before we got the house our relationship was very rocky and i was so confused as to what i wanted because i wasnt getting the attention i needed from my boyfriend to me our relationship was going nowhere and was predictable with no excitment, during this time a guy that we both know and would be in our company when we went out, started to show me alot of attention and over the weeks i started to fancy him and he made it clear he was interested in me, we had a brief moment where we kissed, but the next time i saw him be both agreed that what we did was wrong and we both felt so guilty about it. So nothing happened since then, but the odd time we would catch eachothers eye but that was all we just stayed friends and put it behind us. But the other night we were out in a club and we were talking and had a bit to drink and ended up kissing again and then we went back to my place (my boyfriend was out with his mates for the night)we had sex, it didnt feel wrong but i do feel very guilty about it cos i do love my boyfriend and want to be with him for ever, so I dont know whats wrong with me and why I have done this cos my boyfriend doesnt deserve it. What should i do ?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2008): love.whats love?
is it cheating on a guy who youve been going steady with for seven years only because you felt the relationship was getting boring.
is it not feeling wrong after having sex with another guy yet feeling guilty
guilt is derieved from love which to be honest you dont posses because if you love someone and you do something wrong you dont feel GOOD about it you feel guilty.
tell the guy the truth because you honestly dont love him .let him move on to bigger and better things only if you havent completely shattered him
As for your boyfriend poor guy .As for you staying with him is not only ruining ur life bu its ruining his.i was in a relationship with a guy for 7 years and i caught him in bed with my best friend i was devastated and he said its because our relationship was boring and predicatble he broke my heart.ive gotten over the bastard.tell him its better to find out that way.you sicken me
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2007):
My friend lived with his girlfriend and she went out for a christmas party and got so drunk, her and this guy went back to her house and had sex. Unfortunately she was so drunk she forgot that her boyfriend would come home from work. And he came home from work, and found them in bed together.
My friend threw her out and her belongings out and said "Good bye" and that was it. Tragic though as they had a mortgage and a cat together (probably the cat's fault, evil little things that they are). She kinda deserved it though, didn't she?
There is nothing wrong with you though - you just made a mistake, we all make mistakes. You chose to pursue pleasure over absintance - as a lot of us do. It is the way our culture is, we follow the things that we think will make us happy. That is why you slept with this other guy. You wanted to feel happy.
Personally, and I do mean just personally speaking, I don't understand how you can love someone and even kiss another person. But, that is just me, maybe I am wrong, I do seem to read "I love my partner but cheated on them" every day on here....
I think maybe this cheating could be just what you need, to be honest. You're 22, you felt like you settled down too early so here is your chance to have your freedom again.
Don't put your boyfriend through unnecessary pain. End it, and end it quick. He'll get over you and he'll find someone who will not ever cheat on him. That is what he deserves, doesn't he? If he is a nice guy, does she really deserve to be with someone who could hurt him so badly. I don't think so.
As for you... you can be free and single, that is what a part of you wants - and until you have that you will always have a horrible feeling that you missed out on some of your youth.
Everything will be alright in the end, things in life always are if you give them time, arn't they? All the best.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2007): if you've just listed all those excuses then why do you need conformation, if you feel trapped, that your growing up too fast, that your scared to become a life long partner to one person then you shouldnt be in the relationship. cheating on someone isnt the answer .
now youve ruined your relationship just because you couldnt tell him how you feel about being stuck. if you talked to him things could of changed. now you have to tell him you cheated and lost all his trust. and i suggest you do tell him, these things always out and when he finds out you lied he'll be even more hurt.
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A
female
reader, Playgirl +, writes (9 January 2007):
Playgirl is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou have misunderstood me, I know what i did was wrong it just didnt feel wrong at the time. I do deeply love my boyfriend, I just dont know whats wrong with me to make be do this to him. I think it might have something to do with the fact that im only 22 and have been with the one person since i was 16 and have recently had to become a house wife and cook and clean and get no thanks and not showen that im loved from my boyfriend. I think it might be because I missed out on being single when I was in my teens that I might have just needed to release something inside me and for once have that excitment with someone. I know its not an excuse for what ive done but im just trying to understand why i did it. So judging me and calling me names is of no help what so ever.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2007): you dont feel what you did was wrong?
well theres your first problem, a complete lack of morals. what you did was certainly wrong. your a lier and a cheat and you have no right to say you love someone after doing that to them.
tell him the whole truth so he can move on to someone that deserves him.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2007): how can you say you love your boyfriend? when you first kissed this man you would have been honest with yourself and your boyfriend. now youve taken it to the ultimate level of betrayal and broken his heart.
the only advice i can give you is tell him, if hes stupid he'll forgive you. but if hes smart you'll learn your lesson.
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