A
male
age
41-50,
*ukefortender
writes:I'm married for 4 years and since there i had good moments and bad moments too, like every marriage is. But the last months it's getting hard keep the balance. Work, finance, family, relationship, pressure to have kids, i dont know if i'm up to keeping moving! Guys, we'are fighting a lot, we have a business now (imagine, we're together all the afternoon every day, all the night every day), we fight for money, we fight for the business for being hard in the beginning, we fight because she wants a child, i'm 25 years old and she has 28. We fight for several issues, several issues, sometimes stupid! We forgive each other, we talk about that but later it comes to happen again and again. We even spoke about divorce but didnt do nothing!What do i do? Do i divorce? I'm afraid of regreting later. I dont know what God has to me, i thought He had purposes in my life! Maybe i'll end my life like my father, a divorced, lonely and unhappy man!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2011): I am going through the same thing right now, fighting every day with my boss who I have been dating for 4 years. I know it is not the same as being married, but we are on the way, have talked about it and everything. I know I am adding to his stress because instead of backing down, I want him to be the one to back down. But he has the mentality that because he is the boss, he should never have to back down or off, and I should not go through life expecting to always get whatever I want. I am very confused, upset and also starting to feel like I do not want to work with him any more. But at the same time I am very reluctant to find a new job. Is he right? Am I only interested in getting what I want all the time?
A
female
reader, natasia  +, writes (30 September 2011):
 Do you remember the bit in the marriage ceremony about for better and for worse, richer/poorer, in sickness and in health, etc.? That is all about how it won't be a bed of roses, and how you have to stick it out even when things are bad - when you have pressures, when you argue.
You are together all the time, and doing everything together. If she was just a friend, you would have a break from her sometimes. But she is family, so you don't get a break. If you worked with your parents, or a brother or sister or cousin, all the time, and lived with them, do you think you'd never argue? Of course you would.
So - chill out, I think. The main things seem to be trying to get the business to work, and how she wants a baby. Natural enough. She is 28. She has been married for 4 years. She sure as hell didn't get married NOT to have a family.
Just have a baby and let your family develop and grow. Stop trying to control it all. And stop worrying about fighting. Every time you start fighting, have a pact that you will ask one or the other 'Do you love me?' or something like that. Trust me - it works. Breaks the spell of the arguing.
Don't argue. Calm down. Relax. Be kind. And, I think, have a baby.
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A
female
reader, cheers  +, writes (30 September 2011):
 No...no. Don't ever think abt that. Every marriage face sorts kinds of problems. it's the matter how to tackle it, solve it sooner or later.
That's life. People don't always agree with you. They've their opinions. You've yours too. but which one is the best solutions. pls accept it. Be a gentleman!
Pls work out on the problems. lets not give up hope. Pls always give in and take. Cool down! You can do it!
wish you all the Best
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (30 September 2011):
 No. You do not divorce.
You figure out what really is the issue that is causing conflict. Get yourself into couples therapy to discuss what is causing the arguments.
You already have a place to start. Finances, your work flow, family, the talk of having babies, etc.
Nothing will get solved until you really hear eachother out and see if the problems can be discussed and hopefully resolved.
You have a lot of responsibility on your shoulders. I am sure she does too. Find a way to find balance together and see if you can come to a reasonable agreement for both your lives, so you are BOTH happy. Neither one of you will get everything you want.
If you truly believe God has a plan for you, your marriage, your wife, etc...then go to resources that will help counsel and encourage you to examine your life. Something needs to change, right? Do you and your wife attend church?
Maybe it is time to seek out a spiritual leader to help you both?
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A
male
reader, dougbcoll +, writes (30 September 2011):
 let me ask do you love her ? why did you marry her? you say you make up , do you forgive each other when you make up? it sounds like money could be the main trouble, you need to do what ever you can to correct or take some of the money pressure off your marriage. i don't think you married the girl to divorce her. if you wont to give your marriage a chance don't even bring up the D word to her. i think you still care for her or you would not be posting for help. you might want to try avoid the fighting by going for a walk, or a drive. maybe things will be cooled down by the time you get back. let me also suggest that you get closer to your wife not pull away. show her love , kindness, even romance. you could not stay away from her before you were married , right? you need to let her know you love her , and that you are committed to her and your marriage. the first few yours of marriage are tough, i know i have been there. i have been married for over twenty five years. our fourth year was our toughest . we had money troubles like you and your wife, had a new baby with another mouth to feed, and less time for each other. i don't think GOD is giving up on your marriage are you? you will have to ask yourself why you married her, i would say it is because you loved her, and that she is the girl you could not live without . am i right? i hope i have given you some hope and help.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2011): Ok here are some suggestions:
-go to a marriage counselor. They really help with sorting through issues.
-you spend every minute of every day together. That must be torture. No matter how much you love each other, you get sick of each other quickly. So, at lunch, you both do different things. You meet up with different friends, talk with new people, and later you have new things to talk about. Or maybe have a girls' night or in your case, a guys' night. Maybe you need to go on a vacation together. You'll get out of your ordinary routine and be able to relax.
-don't get divorced until you talk to a counselor. You'll regret it if you do.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2011):
Don't do got for divorce man! every relationship has this kind of a phase . talk to each other rather than shouting at each other, you will find your home, trust me
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