A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello all,I have been with my man for 5 years, married for almost three. We havent been actively trying to have a baby but we havent not been trying either. For years I thought my husband had issues downstairs, and I found out I have fertility issues as well. Recently I had scheduled an appointment to see a fertility specialist to start the ivf journey. I basically had waited about a year to see this doctor, and my husband had known this. The day before the appointment my husband and i were chatting and for whatever reason he told me that basically the reason we havent fallen pregnant is because i am overweight and don't feel the same as what I did when we first met. As you can imagine I was upset and confused. He told me he hadnt told me earlier because he knew it would hurt my feelings.I know I am overweight and I am currently losing that weight, I just think it was really hurtful of him to say that to me especially when not once have I said maybe the problem is him...So what am I asking here? I guess I want to know has this happened to anyone else out there- male or female? How did you cope? Did your relationship survive and I guess in general what do I do?I know he loves me, I know hes not cheating, I know I am fat but I also know if in 6 months from now I have lost the weight and nothing changes I may need to reassess my life and maybe some tough decisions need to be made.I should point out he is also overweight, I only see him every 2 weeks as he works away, and hes over 30 and I am alost. I guess I feel like its now or never for the weight loss and babies and just finding it really hard to cope with this.Please help .
View related questions:
overweight Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (30 September 2011):
You've got a lot of good information here already. I'd just like to add that if I'm not mistaken, men are MORE likely to e infertile than women. So yes, it very much could be him and it's worth exploring that possibility...if you want to stay with a man like this of course.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2011): being overweight can cause infertility in both women and men. It's fantastic that you are working to lose the weight, and your husband should be too, in order to increase your chances.
...............................
A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (30 September 2011):
 I think it is much more likely because you only see each other every two weeks. Have you gone through the process of checking when you ovulate and making sure you have sex then? That is the most important, basic point in the whole thing.
But yes, you don't need your husband to tell you about weight affecting your fertility - it is everywhere on the internet, if you just look it up. Being over weight makes your body unhappy. An unhappy body is not so good at conceiving. I don't know the exact science behind it, but that is the net result.
I don't know what fertility issues you have had diagnosed, but I do know that losing weight is important for every aspect of your life - not just this. And you are young and want a family. This is such an important time in your life - you need to go after what you want.
I guess your husband just blurted out what has been on his mind. He has probably been thinking this for some time - maybe even researched it on the net - and now, out of a misguided desire to be honest with you, has mentioned it to you. I know how upsetting it is to have someone point out you are overweight, but maybe instead of getting mad at him, you need to get mad at whatever it is you are doing that has made you overweight. Turn that energy, frustration and anger on the cupcakes or sitting on the couch or whatever it is that is putting your body out of the way it should be.
Someone here said thin women also have fertility problems, and some fat women get pregnant at the drop of a hat. Yes. But that is some people. Not you. You will never know whether losing weight and giving your body a break will make a difference for you ... unless you try it. So, I know you said you are losing weight - well then, keep at it, keep up the good work, and accept what your husband said (however hurtful it felt) with good grace. Tell him yes, you're right, maybe it does make a difference - and that is why I am losing weight. And of course, tell him that men being over weight also can affect their fertility, so he had better get his act together as well ...
A good recipe for conceiving is:
No alcohol
No coffee
Lots of happy food like fruit and vegetables
Lots of water
Lots of sleep
Lots of exercise
and of course ...
lots of sex (or, at least around the time when you are fertile - otherwise it's all a waste of time anyhow!)
Good luck! You'll get there. You'll be amazing how it is possible to change your life : )
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (30 September 2011):
 Good grief. Unless your husband has a medical degree as an OB/GYN, he has no idea whatsoever why you're having problems conceiving. He's overweight and blaming you? What a laugh and a half.
It's disconcerting that you only see him every two weeks. That's not healthy for any marriage. I'd suggest that you lose him and find someone who will be there full time, as he obviously doesn't deserve to be the father of your children.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (30 September 2011):
 being overweight can cause infertility. I'm sorry to tell you this but your husband is correct.
IT depends on HOW overweight you are however... 20 pounds won't do it. 120 will.
I see so many women who have not been able to get pregnant for years have weight loss surgery and get pregnant after including my current BF who was married and practiced NO Birth control for ten years and never conceived. She is now in her second trimester....
...............................
|
