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*oyojohnson
writes: Well I'm 15 years of age but don't think 'lust' as soon as you see my age; it isn't like that. My problem is I like this girl and she pretty much means everything to me. I have liked her for nearly a year now and we once were together but it didn't work out too well. Sometimes we could be on the phone for hours talking, and she has no problem sharing her disapointments or problems with me. Thing is I feel I shall never be with her again and I also ain't the type which forgets about their "Loved ones" in the wink of a eye. I worry about her and most of all I never stop thinking about her. Please help.. thanks Reply to this Question
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reader, robinlovescena +, writes (19 June 2005):
 ok tell her how you feel. you may even be in love with this girl. if you believe that it can work between the two of you, then dont give up, keep working at it. here are the main things to have a good relationship going.....-trust. let her tell you any of her secrets, and make sure you let her realize that you will never tell any of them to anybody. communication- without this, you will never know if something is bothering her or if there is anything that she wants to say. the two of you should be able to talk about anything and everything with each other.-being around each other. you are able to be with them and have the time of your life. not even doing a thing, just being with the other person should be an honor.-devotion. devotion is saccreficing anything you have for her. devotion is willing to make her happy in any way. look into it. she should be able to look at you and see that you have all of these qualities. good luck ~Robin~ aka advice gurl
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reader, agony aunt jess +, writes (11 June 2005):
You should perhaps tell her how you feel. I have been going through something like this with a boy so I know how you feel. If you can't tell her how you feel then tell closest friends or family. Don't keep your feelings locked away. After all that never helped anyone :) Good luck and best wishes for the future. love agony aunt jess
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2005): wow thats like a situation i have.....actually its exactly the same (even down to our ages) anyway the thing that i have found is best to do is try your uttermost best to replace her....dont think of this with another girl, you have to try your best to replace her with little things. If you find that she's on your mind (and trust me i know that she is going to be) then just do something, something challenging that requires thinking. For gods sake dont go for a nice quiet walk, just do some homework or play games or spend time with family. I'm sorry thats all the advice i can offer you as i have not yet figured out how to actually move on yet, im still in the obsessive stage where she's always on my mind. Good luck!
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reader, sereika +, writes (11 June 2005):
Well my dear, although you said that "lust" is out of it, sounds to me it is more like lust. You are still very young. When I was your age, I thought I too knew what love is. But honey, like they say, "Young bird don't know storm." Love is deeper, love is too complicated to be explained. Yes you have a great deal of interest in this young girl, and I can see where you also care for her a lot. That is very good, that shows room for love to grow. But at this stage my dear, it is not love, it is indeed lust. Don't worry too much. Pray for her. I am sure she would not like to know that her disappearance cost you a great deal of happiness and comfort within yourself. If you say you love her, let her go. If she comes back to you, it is meant to be. If she doesn't, it isn't meant to be. Throughout your life you will meet alot of women, the good, the bad and the ugly. It is for you to know what you want and what makes you happy. Do not dwell on this individual like how you are now. It is not good for the soul.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2005): Caring about someone is not a bad thing unless it is taking away from your emotional well-being. Are your feelings being reciprocated, or are you a shoulder for her alone? Relationships are all about giving on both sides-is she there for you when you need someone to talk with or hang out with? Why are you worried about her? If she is physically or emotionally in trouble, you should suggest that she find help and let her know you're there for her, whatever should happen. Frustrations about love come at any age, but the teenage years are incredibly difficult for both sexes. Realize that you need to incorporate her into your life without taking away from your experience of life. Do you follow? It's like the saying about the bird that you let free, if it comes back it was meant to be. Love is a strong thing, it crosses distance and time. As you grow together as friends, what you have between you will grow stronger. If it doesn't, then it wasn't meant to. Lessons in love are the hardest to learn, because it is so easy to be disappointed and end up hurt. Continue your relationship with her if you feel it makes you happy. Learn from each other, but don't let yourself get walked on and bruised in the process. Rushing into things like sex and other physical contact can destroy a solid emotional and mental relationship, so make sure you're smart about the actions you take. Getting intimate with someone is often awkward or difficult, but if the chemistry is right, things naturally find a way of working. If you really care about this girl, being open and honest is your best course of action, but realize that the two of you have a lot of learning to do--we learn everyday, from everybody, no matter what age we are. Be open to the signals that come at you everyday and you will sort out this dilemma as you see fit. Hang in there-no regrets, just lessons learned.
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reader, communicatrix +, writes (11 June 2005):
 Your problem isn't that you like this girl and that she means everything to you; your problem is that she doesn't seem to share your feelings (at least, not anymore) and is content to have you as "just" a friend or a shoulder to lean on in times of need.It doesn't sound like lust to me; it sounds more like what we oldsters (30 and up, with me on the up side of that) call "attachment": the feeling you must have this person or...or... But the thing is--and I know it's hard to remember right now--there was a time in your life when you didn't have her and you were you, and you were probably reasonably happy. (If you weren't, and you feel like you've only been happy since knowing her, then it really isn't love, because true love can't blossom on need.)Okay, so what do you do? Well, not a lot. (I know--not what you want to hear.) You're 15, so you're probably in school together and it may be hard to do this, but try to stay away. Tell her as simply and undramatically and honestly as you can that you still have feelings for her and since she doesn't share them, you're going to have to maintain some distance for a bit so that--and this next part is important--you can be real friends later. You may or may not feel like being friends later, but you want to make clear you're not doing this as a ploy to win her back. Do it on a Friday, or other time when you won't have to see her for a couple of days, because you're using those days as a running start.Now, since you can't *stop* thinking of something (quick: don't think about a big, white elephant in the corner!), you need to replace the thoughts with something else. I'm hoping there's some fantastically cool, time-consuming thing you've been unable to pursue since spending all your free time on the phone with girly-girl: maybe learning guitar, or something computer-y? And please, please, please, start doing something physically active: run, play sports, whatever (I understand many guys like this stuff, although generally, the sensitive ones like it less).Don't worry about her; she can take care of herself. That's her job! Your job is to take care of you. Ironically, if you really do get to the point where you're taking care of you, and you're strong and sure in yourself, you will probably become a lot more attractive to her. Need ain't pretty, that's for sure.Good luck--be strong! You can do it!
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2005): I'm 15 too and i'm in the same situation at the moment, i'm finding a relationship with someone older very difficult and i can't keep my mind off him but i still want to keep my cool. Coming form a girls point of view i would say i would rather be told how he feels than be left in the dark. My view is that what could be worse than having feelings bottled up, worse than telling thats for sure.
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