A
female
age
36-40,
*adyMyria
writes:My boyfriend and I were together for about 5 years (we study abroad and lived together for 1 year but our parents didn't know because we are christian orthodox and his father is a priest and very strict and wouldn't approve). At the end of the summer of 2009 (we didn't spend it together because I stayed in the country I am studying and he came back home)he told me he needed some time to think. I panicked and started crying (big mistake) and didn't give him space. A few days after that, his parents found out that he was living with me for a year and he came at my apartment with his mother and she confronted me. Anyway after that he assured me not to fear because his parents wouldn't stand in our way. September of 2009 he left to go to university in a different city. During this time we saw each other once a month just for a day. We didn't spend Christmas together because I was abroad again. As the time passed I felt he was distant. (I also caught him lying for some things) He didn't call me often and we argued a lot about that because I felt he was changing and he wouldn't admit it.Easter came and again we didn't spend any time together at all (we live 15 minutes away from each other back in home) because he was taking care of his mother who was ill. That hurt we really bad because if he wanted to see me he would have made time for me and for us. After that we argued a lot more but he always denied that he had changed and he was telling me that I was insecure etc. He told me he was going to propose to me this summer and come to my house with his parents to ask my father's blessing. The day he was supposed to do that (July 13) he called and said he was in the hospital (but my mother had already made all the preparations for the occasion). Six days later (we didn't see each other after that day, he was avoiding me although he didn't admit it as usual) he switched off his phone. By the afternoon of the same day his mother asked me to go and see her so we could talk. He wasn't there with us. Basically his mother told me that they (his parents) had no idea he was planning on proposing to me and that for a year now he feels that he doesn't want to be with me anymore and he didn't have the courage to tell me so he didn't hurt my feelings.Anyway after that talk I had with his mom I got a call from him from an unknown number. He denied everything his mother said. He said it's just that we argued a lot. He said he loved me and made me think that he just needed some time to think (like last summer) and that his parents took his phone without him knowing etc because of his health problem he must not get upset(btw we are 24 years old). He said that he would contact me when he has a new phone number. It's been almost 3 weeks and I haven't heard from him. I am devastated. He was always loving and caring. We've been through a lot together. He made me believe we would grow old together. I know the last year wasn't great for either of us because of the arguing and the distance. I was looking forward to this summer so we could do things together again. He didn't even give us a chance. I can't believe that someone who showed me so much love before is doing this to me.If what his mother said is true, why would he call me back and give me hope again? And if what he said is true and he still loves me why hasn't he contact me yet? I have sent him some emails asking him to just be clear about what he wants and he didn't answer (I am sure he read them).I feel that it's all my fault. I said some really bad things to him these last few days and he didn't like that I was doubting his love for me. I really don't know what to think and he cut off all communication. I fear that maybe his parents are pressuring him.If he doesn't love me anymore why would he give me hope again on the last phone call? I know that actions speak louder than words and last year even though he kept saying he loves me very much he didn't show it that much but I could understand because his parents were hard on him due to the fact we were living together. Could he erase me and stop caring about me that easily? What should I do? Sorry for the long post.Thanks in advance
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female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (6 August 2010):
 You know, it's not your fault. It's really nobody's fault. Your relationship is like a fire that ran out of fuel. The timing in your lives was bad, and you both were in separate directions. You were right to speak out for yourself in terms of wanting more from him. Now, you know what state the relationship is in. It hurts to no end that he could have actually lost interest in you, and I'm sure it hurts more that he was confiding with his mom about you and that she's now in your business.
Best thing to do is to allow yourself to distance yourself from him. That's the only hope of saving the relationship, if indeed such hope exists. It may sound childish, but the more you run after him, yell, demand, and cling to him, the further you'll push him away. The best you can do is concentrate on your own life and accomplish some of the things you've dreamed about doing and becoming. Put him out of your mind and enjoy those who are in your life. You might have a shot at making him crazy about you that way.
A
female
reader, Over..worried.  +, writes (6 August 2010):
 I think you need to be strong here and tell him that it's over. Because even if he does it's obvious his parents do not approve of you for some reason. Do you want to spend your whole life with a guy who doesn't even know if he wants you? He is keeping you on edge and not being fair. I know 12 year olds with more decency in them that that guy. Hunny leave him before he hurts you any more.
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