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female
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anonymous
writes: Mike and I have been friends for 10 years. Over the past year, we have been with each other for sex and pleasure. Neither of us has seen other people and because we are both work-a-holics, we try to get together whenever we can. I am very much in love with him but don't know how or if I should tell him. I don't want to lose what we have but don't know if he is feeling the same way either. How do I approach the subject without seeming clingy or pushy?In Love w/my Best Friend
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female
reader, shania  +, writes (27 November 2005):
 Tell him how you feel.He might say that he feels the same and that would be great.If on the other hand he likes the way things are then i would have to reconsider the relationship.Yes,you could lose his friendship but then you have already crossed that boundary so theres no going back.If he is your best friend and you are sleeping together,and you have known him for 10 yrs then i think its safe to say that you are entitled to ask him how you feel.If he just sees you as a shag buddy and you want more then you have to ask yourself this.Do you want to wait for him just in case he changes his mind or walk away and meet someone who will return their feelings and would want a meaningfull relationship with you.I know what i would choose.
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female
reader, Ms Mebaby +, writes (26 November 2005):
After 10 years of friendship, and a year of non-committed fun, no one in their right mind could ever call you clingy or pushy. ;-)I'm sure that you have already considered the various scenarios that could pan out, should you decide to open up to him about how you are feeling. Of course, what you are hoping is that he's been struggling with the same issue as you, and by bringing it to light, you will be opening the door to a possible next level in your relationship. Had this been a strictly "fun" relationship for all these years, I would have had to advise you that the only way to keep what you have would be to keep your feelings to yourself. But, that isn't the case, so IMO, there is some hope. You refer to Mike as your Best Friend, which indicates to me that you feel comfortable talking to him about most aspects of your life. Many people would say, "If he's your best friend, then you should be able to talk to him about this subject." But, because I understand that you may be concerned that you could be hurt, or lose a special long-term friendship, you might start out with a few questions to feel him out first. Your questions need not be blunt and obvious... Rather than asking "Do you see us together in ten years?", ask "Where do you see yourself 10 years from now?" Listen carefully to what he says, and ask more questions to gain clarity as to whether he is considering you part of his plan... and, more importantly, if you even want to be part of that plan. He may see himself living in an igloo in Northern Alaska with Suzy Homemaker and their 10 kids. Does that sound like a life you'd be happy with??? If his answers to your questions lead you to believe that he's hoping your relationship will evolve into something more committed, and you are into his game plan, then you should feel a little more secure about opening up to him. Conversely, if he hasn't a clue about where he's headed in life, or if he simply says, "I like my life the way it is", then you should take some time to seriously consider whether you can continue in a very long-term "fun" relationship (knowing how you feel about him) that will more than likely always leave you wanting something more.I have my fingers crossed that things will go your way.
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