A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been best friends with my friend for almost a year now. We became really close really fast. We were inseparable and up until about a week ago i thought we still were. we texted every single day and talked on the phone almost every night. When i didnt text her then she would text me and vice versa. We were soo close that are friendship was almost like a relationship (im not gay). I would tell her from time to time that maybe we should take a break because talking sooo much might be unhealthy. she would always reply with saying she doesnt care and i guess in a way i didnt either. talk from my other friends always came up that shes to attached to me and that it was unhealthy and in a way i agreed and sometimes it would get back to her and she would get frustrated and upset over it. Every now amd then (but not often) she would get in these moods where she would have problems either with her parents or other friends and she would ask me to give her space and i would. It would only last about a day or two and then she would call me when she wanted to. Lately, (about a week) she hasnt been talking to me at all. In school she barely looks at me but shes fine with everyone else. I asked her about it and she told me that shes going through a lot right now and she needs space. i told her i would give her space but i didnt understand why i couldnt even get a decent hello or even a smile from her. shes talking to everyone else but not me. i dont understand whats going on and its hurting me. i didnt do anything wrong.i texted her again asking if she was sure she wasnt mad at me or anything and she said we were fine. i asked her if things can go back to normal and she said they would but she hasnt texted me at all. her texts were also shorter then usual. Ive also been talking to another friend about this. she doesnt like when i talk to her because she always thought she was trying to break us apart (shes the jealous type). I dont know if she knows ive been talking to her about it or not. maybe that might have something to do with it? i highly doubt it though. i dont know what to do. does she have a lot on her mind maybe and just doesnt want to talk? it seems like its gone from one extreme to the other. a lot of times ive been distant with her but and shes done it back to kind of give me a taste of my own medicine but it never lasted long. im confused and worried. i dont know how to handle this.
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a break, best friend, jealous, needs space, text Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you for the responses.she stil hasnt contacted me. im not sure what is going on but i figured if she really is having problems and doesnt want to talk then i wont bother her. its just never lasted this long and she still continues to talk to other people. its gone from being over attached to not talking at all in a matter of days. i know i didnt do anything wrong. i dont know if she really is having problems or shes making it up. still worried and losing sleep over this....
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you for your advice! she still hasnt contacted me. i just wish i knew what she was thinking. i have been distancing myself from her a lot and when i did talk to her about it she just responds with "we're fine" and "things will go back to normal" but they havent. i still wonder if shes really having problems like she said or if shes just making that up and theres another reason shes not talking to me. she wont tell me anything though. all of this literally happend within a week.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2011): I hate it when people suddenly start treating you different and coldly and giving you the silent treatment yet when you ask them why they insist that they're not upset at you or anything. this is called playing mind games.My opinion is that you don't need people in your life like this. Secure relationships - whether they are friendships, family relationships or romantic relationships - are those that have some degree of stability and consistency. You want and need to know that the other person is pretty much going to be the same today as they were yesterday. People who suddenly start treating you coldly yet refuse to say why even when you ask, are violating this expectation of relationships. It's not healthy to be involved with such people to the degree that you get bothered when they suddenly turn cold on you. I would distance myself from her from now on. my mother-i-law does this all the time but unfortunately we can't cut her out of our lives because she's family. We used to get very upset when she would suddenly start giving us the silent treatment yet denying that anything is up. Now we just don't care anymore and don't bother to even try to engage with her. It has not improved our relationship with her (but that's her doing, not ours). But it has lifted a burden from us since we're no longer pre-occupied with what we did that made her upset and trying to get her to talk to us again. Life is too short to spend it on people are playing games with you.
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A
male
reader, oneguy +, writes (30 October 2011):
 You have to go up to her and talk to her personally, not over phone or text. Tell her in a no-nonsense manner that she is hurting you and you have kept quiet for long enough but it cannot go on like this.Sometimes, you have to understand that people make choices, and you are left out of those choices. I know you don't want to leave her but if she wants to leave you, tell me, what is the use of clinging?Let go. Be and let be. Desire and attachment bring anger, anger destroys memory, and that ruins intelligence. You cannot be attached to such an extent that you get hurt and disturbed.If your friend really likes you and wants to be with you, she will come back to you. Else, feel happy that she is happy wherever she is, with whoever she is, and that she is able to live her choice. Freedom is something to be respected.Best,
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