A
female
age
36-40,
*licia777
writes:Alright so we started out as a one night stand about 3 years ago when I was 16 and he was 23. After that we became friends with benefits and remained that way for a long time, while I was completely in love with him. I started applying pressure to be more than that, which he agreed to and said he wouldn’t be with anyone else. I Found out this wasn’t so when he had another one night stand with a random women and I walked in and saw that. Immediately I dumped him and then 3 months later after no communication he contacted me and we slowly got back together, and not as friends with benefits because I told him he could only be with me and no one else and he agreed. One night we were fighting and he said that he thought we were just friends and I immediately dumped him again. The next day he apologized and said of course we were more than friends and that he really needs me etc. Then all is going well for a while and he told me he loved me and everything like that, but then I find out that when he was away with his family he met a girl at a bar and was planning to have sex with her because he bought condoms, the box didn’t have any missing condoms (so I assume he’s telling the truth about not actually sleeping with her). But that doesn’t rule out that he did sleep with her but just didn’t use a condom. Another thing is when I first discovered the condoms he lied and lied and told me they weren’t his until finally he admitted they were. I again broke up with him as soon as he told me that and refused to speak to him until he came to my house a week later and told me how much he loved me and needed me and how much of a mistake that was and how he has changed, and this time he knows how much he loves me etc. So I took him back. But now I don’t know how to feel. I just have this feeling that he will do something like this again. Could it be that things are finally different because he loves me? But then he did love me before he bought those condoms so I don’t know.
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broke up, condom, friend with benefits, got back together, one night stand Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2008): hun, once a cheater, always a cheater.
A
female
reader, tulipdame  +, writes (6 November 2007):
Give yourself time. Sometimes we are too hard on yourselves because we truly don't realize how much we are asking. Letting go of even a bad relationship is a lot of stress, so you need to find ways to cope when you do it. Don't rely on yourself alone when you don't have to. Find people who support you or activities that relax you. Just like in football, the game is won one yard a time.
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A
female
reader, Alicia777 +, writes (5 November 2007):
Alicia777 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou so much for your thoughts. I know I have to get away from him, i'm just putting it off right now. Everytime I go to do it I can't go through with it for some reason. It's realyl frustrating and it hurts so much.
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A
female
reader, tulipdame +, writes (1 November 2007):
I am going through similar things right now. I have my ex's flowers in my room and a teddy bear that smells like him but I know that its a dead end. He's never going to change all the things that bothered me enough about him to break up than get together, than break up than get back together, etc. before. He says "I have changed now because you've left me for a longer time than you have before" but I heard that before too. It is love for me and a desire to change that should be motivational factors for him not fear. Sometimes fear is too, but do I really believe he has changed just because we broke up? No.
I do believe though that my best chance of finding a happy relationship will be if I walk away from an obviously unhappy one.
I know a lady who walked away from more than 20 years of a not-so-great marriage after she discovered her husband got a girlfriend. She says she still loves him and is now in her 50's so she's unlikely to find anyone else, but she also says she lost all respect for her ex.
But with your situation, it just seems like you are in a slump. You've been in a really horrible romantic situation for years, and, honestly, letting someone walk all over you, and only now you are realizing that. It's like "oh my God, he really is not my boyfriend!" I would take the advice of baby duck above about being along and with friends and just letting yourself be for a minute. Maybe there are other pressing concerns in your life you've been ignoring that you'll discover also. No matter how bad life can get, you have to try to live it, and not hide from it, and try to make it better. We do not get to be young forever.
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A
male
reader, JustaGuy  +, writes (1 November 2007):
Hey,
GET RID OF THIS GUY!!
He knows he can get away with cheating and you will always come back if he lays on a bit of sweet talk. The more times you keep going back the stronger it reinforces the idea he can get away with it. Where is your self respect and dignity? You are obviously after more, go find a guy that will give you the comittment you deserve. You have a feeling he will do it again ,go on this feeling and leave him.
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