A
female
age
41-50,
*DWings
writes:I'm extremly confused!!!! Been married for almost 13 yrs. and been together for 15, I had gotten pregnant 5 months into relationship, so i guess i thought it was right thing to do to get married, I thought i loved him, i think i did but i was 19 when we married.. In the beginning, well for the first eleven yrs. he was very mentally abusive and would say some pretty degrading things to me and then admits to me that he didn't love me when we married. We have been to counseling 4 times in our marriage up till 4 yrs ago... we have 2 children now 7 and 13 and all i think about is them but i feel so unhappy and i'm not sure if i can get that back with him... 4 yrs ago he quit saying the negative things and argueing but i feel like something has changed and though he says he loves me now that he has grown to love me I feel like i still hold alot of resentment, pain and hurt inside that i have been emotionally battling still today that i don't feel the love for him that i could have, or should have but i feel resentment towards him for saying nice things to me, or saying how much he loves me b/c through the first 11 yrs i shelled up and pushed away from this relationship that i don't know how to accept him now when i am so emotionally scared for so long,, I have told him that i don't think i love him anymore, I told him that 4 yrs ago and its not come back yet even though he has changed some. He is a very solitude person we don't do much together and are about as opposite as u can get. I don't know if i should end this now cuz i am still not happy and not sure if i will ever be with him and i don't think it is fair to either of us to continue,, Am i just being ridiculous or can love return after that long of withheld resentment? I feel we never built a solid foundation to this relationship and wonder if it has been doomed for yrs and I just stayed b/c of the kids.....Help i'm so confused!!! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, NDWings +, writes (1 November 2007):
NDWings is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for ur responses, mandy it is good to hear someone knows what i feel. yeah we could go to counselling, again it would be the 5th time and believe me that bothers me too cuz i believe there is no reason for having to go to counselling every 3 to 4 years and i can't say whether the love will come back or not, and now he loves me and it ticks me off with him (i know sounds funny right ) but it angers me becuz his actions for eleven years and some things up till now killed my love and know he wants me to get it bk and i 'm not sure i can or maybe deep down i don't want to, i'm not to sure.. really i tried to keep my question short but there is so much more involved too. but i was kindof thinking of ur idea and maybe i will try to go to a councilor for myself and maybe see what happens it can only help me either way i choose...thanks so much!!!oh and yeah i can say that i was young and married him but i can say that for about the last 8 yrs or so I am here only for the kids, and it would have ended 4 yrs ago but my 9 yr old at the time did not take it well and that crushed me so here i am still here for the sake of him... but not to sure how much longer i can!!! thanks again..
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2007): Hi Love,
This sounds like my first marriage everything you have said, I understand just how you feel.
My husband did not stop however with the put downs so I did leave.
You say you have had counselling could you try this again as he now seems to realise he does love you, When I married I really didnt think it a wise idea just because I was pregnant and I felt to that the only reason he married me was due to that.
He I feel now wasnt ready for comitment with house children so on, not making excuses for his behaviour towards me, But I do feel he took it out on me.
I couldnt get that feeling back I didnt love him as he was so cruel at times and it went on for 13yrs.
It doesnt mean that you cant though its down to how you feel deep down love its a decition you are going to have to make to make your life happier one way or another.
I didnt feel in the end bad for getting the children out of that situation as they hurt to if mums hurting.
I do hope you work this out, go and see a counsellor on your own as well to get all the crap that you have had to deal with of your chest this will help it helped me very much. Take care love good luck love MANDY xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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A
male
reader, dapone 1  +, writes (31 October 2007):
 Hello NDwings.
I am sorry that you have had to go through this metal cruelty for such a long period of time,i believe that you have gone through enough in your life with this so called man, and you have tried to put things right between you,but he seems to be the same,they always say once a bully always a bully, i really feel for you and your children,i think because you have no feeling for him which is NOT your fault but down to him, you would be making a really big mistake to let him back in your life, you need the peace, and security for yourself and your children, for your own safety and your children you need to get far away from him as you possibly, and have nothing to do with him, if he is giving you trouble then you can see a solicitor and get a court injunction out against him.
I really hope this helps you.
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