A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I went on a business meeting and met a guy as part of business and just had a casual meeting over a few drinks. Through out the meeting, he was flirting, touching my leg, laughing etc, and then 4 days after the meeting he left a message on my phone. It said "Would love to take you out again sometime for drinks." I've said yes and we're meeting up later this week. Is this a date?
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female
reader, jenna34  +, writes (26 February 2008):
I think after some guy feels comfortable enough "touching your leg" he should be asking you out to dinner. If this is some guy you like and he hasn't made physical advances on you already the first time you met him, then yeah, go out for drinks..get the conversation going. The physical part of the relationship is supposed to progress unless it's like a fling or something or you met this guy out with friends. This was a in a business context and he is that aggressive!
A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse +, writes (25 February 2008):
 Have to say I disagree with Collaroy when she says "yes it is a date, but he should have suggested dinner for a real date - maybe you should suggest that".
Speaking as a bloke I would have to say dinner for a first date is a bit too much. You don't know each other and if it wasn't going well, you didn't like each other, you'd both have to sit through a whole three-course meal together.
Generally, here in the UK anyway, a first date is usually just a casual drink. I tend to meet up in the evening sometime during the week. That way if it didn't go well, or she wasn't what I wanted (or of course vice versa) I/she could make my/her excuses (e.g. got to get up early for work tomorrow) and leave.
If it all goes well I'd organise a second date which would be a bit more than just a casual drink during the week. And so on.
"And if he tries to sleep with you in the first few dates - he's probably married or is involved with someone and is looking for a bit on the side"
I don't think this is necessarily the case. I have had girls who've wanted to sleep with me after one date, some after a couple of dates and some after 4 or 5. I don't go looking for it - I like to wait for the girl and if/when she's ready she'll let me know. Does this mean they were all married? No.
"... ask him for his home phone number, if he doesnt give it to you it means hes married"
Well, if you want him to think "uhoh... STALKER?" go ahead. This is not true at all! This is a first date. In this day and age with mobile phones, when I meet a girl I ask her for her number and ALWAYS get their mobile number, likewise I give out my mobile number. If some girl were to ask me for my home number on a first date I'd be thinking "STALKER".
Hey! How about give him a questionaire...
***********************
DATING APPLICATION FORM
***********************
1) Are you married?
2) Are you only after sex?
3) What is your address so I can check on you?
4) What is your home phone number so I can make sure you're not married?
5) Where do you work?
6) What is your work phone number so I can make sure you do work where you say you work?
... And please provide me with 3 independant personal character references.
IF YOUR APPLICATION IS SUCCESSFUL I'LL BE IN TOUCH
**************************************************
If my date and I want to take it to the next level after spending time getting to know each other then of course I'd give out my home number, and if it became really serious, my work number too. Chances are by the time we've decided to take it to that next level she would've already seen where I live anyhow and have my address.
I can understand how people are suspicious although I must say I tend to meet people, not just through going out with friends, but through work too. I don't see what's so bad about a guy who is actually interested in you, spent some time chatting together, who then calls and asks if you'd like to meet for a drink sometime?
Why is it there's this perception there's some hidden agenda there?
He might be a nice genuine guy? Ok, he could be married, but then so could some guy you meet in a bar somewhere. You'll only find out after a little while as you see each other more.
I say ignore the advice here about asking for home phone numbers and stuff, go out for that drink if you like him and get to know him. If you're looking for a boyfriend take it slow and see how it goes. If it goes well, then move from there and see each other again. Getting to know someone is a gradual process and as you get to know more about each other you'll both open your lives more to each other. If he is married you'll know since he will not be so open.
Best of luck and let us know how you get on :)
p.s. Note to self: Must remember if I get approached by a woman, while working, during a conference, or away on business, watch out, she'll probably be married!
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A
female
reader, jenna34 +, writes (25 February 2008):
He sounds awfully friendly for someone you just met!! I had that happen a lot to me on business trips and then I learned to be much more cautious. Most of the guys that came onto me like that just wanted a fling. Who knows if he is married(I saw a lot of that!!!) or what his situation is but he is pretty smooth. You are still very young so you will learn these things. Take this slow if you don't just want a fling.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2008): Yes its a date, but unlike the other replies, I would suggest that there is no evidence to say that this guy just wants to have sex with you. Being a guy myself, I didn't know that asking a girl for a drink meant that "I was married and looking for some on the side"...
To me, this sounds like a perfectly normal thing for a guy to say if he's interested in a girl [might have been a bit nervous about asking] and would like to see her again.
Go and have a good time, and I sure you're old enough to look after yourself should he only be in it for sex, unless of course, you're up for the same thing. In that case, go and have a good time anyway.
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (25 February 2008):
 Hi,
Just a warning , when you go out for drinks and if he tries to soften you up for sex ask him for his home phone number, if he doesnt give it to you it means hes married.
Otherwise enjoy yourself, and yes it is a date, but he should have suggested dinner for a real date - maybe you should suggest that . And if he tries to sleep with you in the first few dates - he's probably married or is involved with someone and is looking for a bit on the side.
good luck.
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