A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Bit of a complicated one this, but please bear with me! Basically, I'm 18 and off to university in 2 weeks. There is this girl with whom I have been sort of 'on off' (in a way) with for the last few months, but she is younger than me and still at school. Anyway, we work together and had been flirting a bit, which subsequently made her like me (originally), but I didn't really see her in that way at the time, and as there is an age gap, didn't want to get involved, really.We still stayed in contact everyday, spoke on the phone and saw each other on occasions, and at work. After about a month of her liking me (and me knowing about it), we had a few arguments, and she then told me she was over me and didn't like me in that way anymore. Whether this was true, then, or not, I don't know. Anyway, hearing her say that made me realise that I actually did like her, and I was sad she no longer felt that way.We then spent about a month in which I really liked her, but she didn't know about it. I had a brief relationship with someone else for about week to try and get over her, but then decided to tell the original girl that I actually liked her. As I was with someone at the time, I decide to break up with her before anything happened. Anyway, I did that, and the original girl said she would think things over. A week later, she tells me that she only likes me as a friend. Then, she sends me a couple of drunken texts basically stating the opposite, and basically wanting me to talk dirtily to her, and she asked me to come over (I couldn't at the time). This led me to thinking that she liked me. Anyway, we had arranged to meet up on Saturday and I sent her a text asking what time she wanted to meet. Then she sent me a message saying to meet at 12 (in the evening) at her house as she had a free house. I thought we were meeting just to hang out, and then sent her a confused message basically outlining this. She then realised that we were expecting different things, and sent me a message stating that she didn't want to meet up, and asked me to stop texting her (after she had originally started this).I wasn't against what she was suggesting, but because she asked me to stop messaging her, I left it at that, and she now seems not to want contact with me at all (though I feel she still wants to, but is embarrassed).Sorry for being so long-winded! Basically, I like this girl (not sure yet as a mate or more), but we have spent the last 3 months both not knowing what we each want. I don't want to just forget about her at university, as we get on really well (most of the time!), and I really don't want to waste it. I'll also be coming home quite regularly as it isn't too far away. She doesn't seem to want me to contact her, but I just want to know what is going on in her head, and see whether there is a potential future, because I really like her. Should I speak to her first, and ask her all this, or wait to see if she speaks to me? Also, what do you think of the above? Please help!
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female
reader, Fairy_Lu +, writes (17 September 2007):
 Just ask her out right what exactly it is she wants and if she doesnt want you to contact her then dont you may like her but seems like she doesnt know what she wants and it seems unfair that you should wait for her to decided if she decides she doesnt want you. Go to uni have a good time and live your life if she wants you then great if she doesnt then find someone who does.
A
female
reader, Clare75 +, writes (17 September 2007):
I think you should ask her if she would like to meet up (on mutual ground) to discuss things. If she declines then you should leave it at that. If however she agrees to meet you then you should tell her exactly how you are feeling, atleast then you will know for sure. If she only wants to be friends then you will have to accept this.
I wish u lots of luck xx
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