A
female
age
51-59,
*illy Girl
writes:My husbands sex drive and stamina and mine aren't compatible. Before we ever dated I'd had about 30 partners. He has had about 7. While dating, I would come home from working midnights and would try to accommodate him sexually. Little did I know, he wanted to have sex for about 2-3 hours? Not very romantic when you are dead tired. I would literally be like..."Look, I cannot go on, It's been 2 hours and I am tired." Like a haymaker to his left jaw. Then it was once a day everyday for an hour. Then the "Let's do it in the car, on the roof, in the woods, here there everywhere...." Well, I'm too shy to do that. He wanted to do it in his car that he had had for about 12 years, because his car had never been "christened", well the car got totalled and we never did it in there-we had kids running around all the time and I worked midnights all through the week and weekends-It just never happened. I never heard the end of it. Now because I had sex everyday with my ex-husband for the first 6 months of dating, he wants me to hold to that for him "If I loved him I would...."Now we have sex about once a week. It's boring because I feel like I'm doing my duty. He tries to be romantic, but it's always the same positions. My 2 girls are 15 and 16 and our bedroom is right by the living room. So there are teenagers over all the time and I don't want them to hear. Plus he is always watching some show-Star Wars, WWE Raw, Football, and NASCAR...which I like Football and NASCAR. He never "initiates"....well if you call rubbing his penis against me as he pretends there is no room for him to get by "initiating" He always talks like they do in porn movies....that really is not romantic to me.I don't mind being kinky or whatever, but he wants it to last for 2-3 hours, well my legs get tired being tied up. THEN if I do get kinky and give it to him a lot, he wants even more. He says I should take enhancements or pills to increase my drive, because it's my entire fault right? I would engage in sex with him everday, problem is, he wants it even more then....and I just cannot do that, I don't want to do that. I suffer from UTIs if I do it too much. I have ovarian cysts and it is painful for me many times. So if we do the 2 hour thing, I'm sore the next day and the next and the next. He looks at porn which pisses me off, but what can I do about that? How do we find a happy medium? We cannot afford Counselling and I could NOT talk to a Pastor or Priest about this. We do not have Health Insurance, so I cannot afford birth control pills, which do help my pain, but they are like $100/pack-we don't have that kind of money.Besides, he wouldn't want sex until after all his shows are over-which is like 11pm at night. I want to go to bed because I get up about 4 hours before he does. What do I do to help both of us? Yes I know he is childish, but he is also very manly and takes very good care of us and protects us-he is just selfish-who isn't? Help me help us please.
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money, my ex, porn, sex drive, shy Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Silly Girl +, writes (20 September 2007):
Silly Girl is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk, so I ordered (at a very reasonable "used book" price) "101 Nights of Great Sex" and "101 Nights of Great Romance" so we'll see how it goes. They were $30.00 EACH at Borders....online and used I got them BOTH for under $15.00 YAY! That way if it is not something we like, then we haven't wasted that much money on it. Because honestly, we are pretty open about kink and all, ya know, we don't need help with that, we need something planned out that we can grow off of....something to help ud connect that BOTH of us will do....not just me.
A
female
reader, Silly Girl +, writes (17 September 2007):
Silly Girl is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHow do you expect us to help you if your not going to listen to what we're going to say. We are going to talk a bit badly off him. All I'm going to say is he's addicted to sex and he dosen't really care about your pleasure, he's also not very good at sex if he only knows one postion. Posted by anonymous on Sept 17th.
Don't know what you are getting the hackles about. I just now responded. What is your problem???
Now on to all the others who have responded so kindly.
Yes you are correct, if he would be alot more sensitive, it would not be as hard to do. I think he just LOVES the feeling of sex. He only cums once, sometimes twice, but mostly, it just goes on and on and on. If it's getting to be like 25 minutes until 10, I'll say, you've got 25 minutes and he will slink away and say "Nah, I don't want a quickie"....I'm thinking WTF?? 25 minutes is not a quickie really, ya know? But to him it is. I say "Oh well, you had a chance to have sex" and then I go to bed. I'm over being mad, I'm just tired of it. I certainly do not want a divorce because I really do truly love him, I just think he needs a knock upside his head to understand what I need him to understand.
Wow, thank ya'll so much for answering. It has been so nice to just even vent about it ya know? I will let ya'll know how things go.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2007): Hi Love,Selfish I dont believe that is the only word I would use, ignorant of your feelings and blind to your needs as well as his own, Does he actually want to please you at all or is it just himself...The fact that your health suffers with infections because of the sex plus the cysts this is incredibly painfull. You really would think he wouldnt want you to be in pain to start with, And then there is the work you are going to work yourself into the ground and end up very depressed if he doesnt get the picture soon..Does he ever treat you to romantic nights or is it just star wars footie then a 3hr sex marathon, Does he have a problem cumming love? Hunny no disrespect at all but im suprised he turns you on at all..He want you to take pills to enhance your sex drive what about some pills to slow his down, Does he think he is a porn star, and has forgotten that he has a loving wife who has done her utmost to make him happy and forgotten to take care of her own needs along the way, Sweetheart you need to start thinking of you and what makes you happy, you have raised 2 children worked hard and pampered to his every need, Now its time for you, Yep I can hear you saying that wont work...But to change something that so obviously is not making you happy, You have to be the one to change it.. This would not be the life id yearn for more like run from, We are all different.You dont need pills you need proper loving and respect from the man who promised this the day he married you. You need to talk and have your oppinion on what is good for you as well, or this will not get any better and your still going to be where you are now only more knackered and much more unhappy, Personally Id be raving mad by now due to sleep deprevation, Id have chucked him a sex doll and told him to get on with it...You really do need some you time babes and I truely hope you sort this out and get some time to think and breath, dont get me wrong sex is great but you both have to be there to enjoy it its no way near a one way road... YOU TAKE CARE OF YOU WITH MUCH LOVE MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2007): Does it tkae him 2-3 hrs. to come? I just can't even understand why he would want to keep going after he comes. My sex w/ my husband lasts like 3 minutes..we both get off & we're done. Just stop doing it. Tell him he has 15 minutes.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2007): I'm surprised he has the time to go out to work!
Obviously he's not taking your feelings into account, and is extremely selfish. As for going at it for 2-3 hours, that's excessive by any standards. His talents are obviously wasted and it sounds like he could make a fortune in the porn industry!
Phil
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2007): Hello
Poor you, this must be a pretty awful time for you. My husband and I were in this situation. When we first started dating I was fine with everyday - two kids, a job and all the housework soon put paid to that. He would always want sex and I would say i was too tired and then we would argue, leaving him feeling rejected and me feeling nagged at and guilty. And when I did give in I couldn't be bothered really - i no longer enjoyed it because it was 'expected.'
Now we get on better. He has taken on more of the housework so that i get to sit down when the kids go to bed and i'm not so tired. He gets up with the children one day on the weekend so that i can have a lie in and i take a little time out for 'me' when i can have a bath or read or just do nothing. He now compliments me on my hair or outfit instead of just 'nice arse' etc and we do massage etc WITHOUT it having to lead to sex. It often does, but that's my idea not his.
Try to sit down with him and explain how you feel. You may find if he shows a bit more romance, a walk in the park or arranging for the children to stay at friends or relatives and cooking dinner, and helps a little more around the house you may want to have sex more. Also if he stops asking all the time it gives you chance to feel that you want sex rather then putting up defenses because you know if you have a cuddle together he will expect more.
I don't think you need pills!! I think you need to be made to feel more of a sensual woman than just a mother, colleague wife and general skivvy to all around (as most women do!). It's nice if they show you some appreciation.
I hope things get better.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2007): Yes I know he is childish, but he is also very manly and takes very good care of us and protects us-he is just selfish-who isn't?
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How do you expect us to help you if your not going to listen to what we're going to say. We are going to talk a bit badly off him. All I'm going to say is he's addicted to sex and he dosen't really care about your pleasure, he's also not very good at sex if he only knows one postion.
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