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female
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*uvyoualways
writes: I'm so confused right now. We were together for 2 years and finally moved in with each other in August. In January he asked me to marry him. We moved out in April, back in with my parents, to get out of financial debt, then a month later he broke up with me. He never did tell me exactly why, he said he just needs some time alone. He still says he wants a future with me, but will go 2 weeks without any contact. I'm very heartbroken over this and he knows I am. I don't know if I should move on or keep waiting for the man I love that keeps breaking my heart. Right now I'm waiting for the man I love. Can anyone give me advice to get me through this moment of my life?
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2005): When a man truely loves a woman..he should be psyched about the level of committment to that woman. He'll want to spend a majority of his time with her because his love is so strong. He will move mountains to be with her. Sorry to be so brutally honest nere..but it really sounds like his committment level to you has waned, considerably. That's pretty obvious if he's going TWO weeks without contacting you. My suggestion is just lay low and wait it out and if you are "special to him", he'll come find you.
Please don't wait too long...start planning for the possibility that he may want to break up. It's obvious you have made overtures to him and he has no doubts about your love for him and that you priorize him. But, you need to be priority one in his life, too. His actions here are speaking volumes of a guy who may be just not as committed to this relationship as you are.
You do need a straight answer from this guy as to whether you two are a couple or not. If he can't give you that then you need to move ahead with your life. If that happens...then that will be the time to reach out to your friends and family. Don't be afraid to depend on others when you need it. Invite your sister/brother over or take a walk with a friend—just be sure to get out of the house, eat well, and move.
In relationships gone sour, we often tend to fall into patterns of trying to fit into the relationship instead of considering what our own purpose might be. Use this sad time to reidentify and reshape who you are. Use your emotional energy to ask some of the big questions: What do you want to do? If you don't have an answer, think about your dreams and talents from childhood. Those early desires might reawaken something within! Volunteer! Do something kind for other people. You might visit sick children in a hospital or help the homeless. Remember, as difficult as this time might be, your life is still valuable. There's a lot of important work to do, and a lot of people who you can help. Use this time to get closer to the people you love, especially your family. Even if you need to be sad with them, you can come together to support each other. Try to create new traditions (like a regular movie night or a boardgames night) with your family. Say to yourself, "In a year, I want to look back on this time and realize that I was changing my life for the better." After a bad breakup, it's normal to experience feelings of sadness, loss, and anger. But if you feel yourself falling into despair, or you can't function, it may be time to speak with a counselor, minister, rabbi, or other trusted person. I wish you well, my dear. Please hang in there, be strong and take of YOU!
A
female
reader, MyBeautifulRuin +, writes (26 July 2005):
i think the time apart made him realise some things, and i think unless he starts making his absence up to you quick, then you'd be better off without him! he's leaving you out of the picture completely here, and that isn't fair on you! you dont need the stress of worrying about whether he will make a decision or not.
you cant be expected to wait around forever, no matter how much you love him.
good luck anyway, i hope i helped a little at least! x
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reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (26 July 2005):
 I think it may be time to make a stand and be a little more assertive.
He says he wants a future with you but you are in limbo, waiting and waiting for some kind if decision from him. His actions aren't reflecting his words and you need to know what is going.
He needs to be more expressive as to why he broke up with you. If he respects and cares for you, he will realise that no matter how difficult it is for him to explain himself, you are entitled to know why.
You need to be strong to ultimately reduce the power this guy has over you and shift it a little bit more in your direction. He knows you are hurting and even if he is going through a tough time himself, he should still be considerate of your feelings.
Either talk to him or write to him. Let him know how you feel but inform him that you are thinking of moving on as you do not wish to be hurt anymore. Ask him to explain his behaviour, find out if there is anything troubling him, discover the reasons why he left you in the first place. Reassure him that you feel that you could have a future together but only if the lines of communication are kept open. Make it clear to him that you feel you deserve better in a relationship and that if he isn't prepared to contact you and talk to you, at least, then you will recover and move on.
You need to be strong here otherwise this guy could keep you holding on forever or will just use you when convenient.
People may indeed need time to think things through but he is leaving you in the dark. Try to throw some light on the situation by asking him to open up. If he won't or if he says that he doesn't mind you moving on, then you will have to come to realise that he isn't the right one for you. I hope that doesn't happen and I hope this advice helps.
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reader, becky05 +, writes (26 July 2005):
How long does he need on his own?
If he was ready to get married to you then he should be discussing his feelings with you.
I dont think he was ready to get married.
Give him a week alone and if he is still unsure, suggest to him that you break up for a while as you dont see why you should be left hanging while he decides if he wants you or not.
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