A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i recently started seeing someone for the first time in over a year, i have delibrately stayed away from men who i have seen are a ladies man and i became good friends with a guy in our group of friends... we had some good times together and we ended up out together on our own a bit too, just drinking and sharing past experiences.. in this time he told me things he never told anyone before and so did i. we soon picked up the chemistry and we started seeing each other about 3 weeks ago... everything ran really smoothly and he seemed quite keen. he stopped at mine one night of one of the weekends and i stopped at his too... it came to monday and we had been out and he seemed to be lurking for an invite in mine but i guess i didnt wanna scare him off and seem too keen so when he said he was heading i said ok good night and it all went weird from there. i know he had ex issues before we got together but i always spoke to him as a friend about it and he also seemed to be coming out the other end of things with it too... after that i met up with him once on lunch which just seemed very platonic and then stopped over at his at the end of the week which wasnt so platonic shall we say. the next night we were out and pretty drunk and he ended things pretty unsympathetically and said i was more into him than he was me, i think by what he seemed to say too is that he thought we were taking things slow and because a couple of our friends had guessed what was going on and i hadnt denyied it he wasnt too happy about this either altho at first when one of them asked me i did text him and make sure it was ok to come clean in which he said it was and he didnt seem to think there was any point lying about things. he then changed things to say we had nothing in common. i took the breakup (which wasnt a breakup as we hadnt really started!) pretty well and said i didnt want things to be weird and if there was no possibility anything could happen then im glad he was honest with me. a week has passed now and i havent heard anything from him one on one just through facebook on our group messages in which he isnt been weird. what happened? did i mess this up? i really do like him and ok yeah we are different but i felt we got on well and enjoyed each others company. the sex was pretty amazing he said so himself but said he couldnt base a relationship on this. i do appreciate his honesty, do i just need to move on and try and stay friends for the sake of our group or have i just been too keen by telling people and scared him off? really unsure of the next move as im due to see him this saturday...
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female
reader, xTheAlmightyDuckx +, writes (6 August 2014):
 Do you wanna know what I think? I think the reason he got with you was because of sex.
He even said it himself, he said he couldn't base a relationship off sex which suggests that may of been the main reason he started seeing you.
I don't think you blew it, but I think you may of had sex with him too quickly.
Men are strange creatures, they want sex and of course they dream of having it with a woman who they are seeing etc. However the trick is not to give it to them.
If two people have sex to early in a relationship/when they are seeing eachother, the relationship turns into something else entirely. It turns into something based on lust, and of course from your point you were getting to know him emotionally but due to you two having sex he may of started seeing that this potential relationship was going to be based on just sex so he thought it would be decent if he told you instead of just carrying on, which I think is a good thing of him to do.
And of course things are going to be a bit awkward, you aren't going to go back to just being friends right away, you were seeing eachother, its going to take some time for things to just go back to normal, so give it time.
Don't be too hard on yourself about this, just take this a lesson learnt, and move on and try again in the future with something else. The only thing I recommend is next time make sure you don't get intimate with sommeone until atleast 2-3 months in. Good Luck x
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