A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Been close friends with this guy for over 3 years; friend, confidant, etc. He was widowed over 2 years ago, and in the past year, we became close as he was ill and i was helping out etc. Long story short, too much contact, too much sharing, I fell for the guy. He did show signs of interest (in my opinion anyway), long eye contact, spending a lot of time together, physical contact. Anyway I told him in a casual way that I'd developed feelings for him. He seemed ok, but said he wanted to remain single, and that it suited his lifestyle. So that was fine, I took it well. We had pretty much usual contact for about 3 weeks after that, I never brought it up, and I treated him the same as before. Then he sent an email, saying he feels it would be best for us if we no longer have any contact, as he felt very uncomfortable.I didn't reply that email, since he explicitly said to stop contact, and I didn't see the point of thrashing out anything. It's been a month since that email. I'm just wondering if this is it, an abrupt to what was a really good friendship? Or is there hope? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone for your support and advice. I know there's nothing I can do and probably no hope for the situation. I guess I just wanted some hope for the friendship. but perhaps that's not realistic either. I won't bother him, I really do care and I am happy that he's living life again. Thanks all.
A
female
reader, No watered down advice here!  +, writes (30 July 2013):
 He's not interested in that project! The best advice I have received, in my life came from my Aunt, She said "Sweetheart, if you're not number one in any relationship, that you put your all into, then REFUSE to be number two! Step out of their line and become number one even if it means being alone" Don't put your all into someone else project that hasn't showed any real interest, be number one and start your own project. Send his back to him certified mail. And prosper!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2013): Respect his wishes, and don't contact him.On the work front, do everything you can and only leave what MUST have his input, then send only that to him with no suggestion of the past/friendship, only business related.He was not ready to move on from being a widow, you just got him at the wrong place at the wrong time. In time, it may change, but it would need to come from him.You didn't do anything wrong, he just wasn't ready...
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A
female
reader, No watered down advice here! +, writes (28 July 2013):
Let sleeping dogs lie... #That's all.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am doing my best not to contact him. But what I didn't mention is that we have a project together. I've been trying my best to do it on my own and sourcing help elsewhere. But it's on his research, and I will eventually need to ask him questions. And our plan was to publish my output, which again, would need alot of his input before it can go before an academic journal.
I do feel in a dilemma. I really would rather not contact him and I don't actually want to. He means that much to me. But on the professional side, I don't see an alternative at the moment.
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A
female
reader, Brokenv  +, writes (28 July 2013):
DO NOT contact him in any way. He has asked you not to. It you respect this man in anyway you would do as he wishes.
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