A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I went on a couple of dates with this guy but he has been in touch with his ex GF all the time. They split up about 6 months ago but stayed in touch and they talked about getting back together. Whilst we were on our date she was texting him and I heard him listening to a voicemessage and she sounded upset and crying on it. SO, I sneaked a look at his phone went he went to the bathroom! In there I saw texts from her, clearly upset and needing to talk and texts to her from him, quite nasty, including one which said 'clear off i'm dating now and i;m saying the night' and another one which said 'you are a loser and you will PAY for letting me down' and I saw another one saying 'get lost don't love you - get someone else ... like I have' and 'I'm going to forget you, starting a new life, clear off'. The thing is she, the ex, I mean actually sounds quite nice and it doesnt sound as though she HAS let him down - it sounds as though she was trying to help him and he just picks fights with her. He also calls his ex wife a 'bitch' and referred to a woman at work as a 'stupid bitch'. My worry is, does this sound like a guy who is just letting of steam or could he be a verbal abuser. Also, we have only dated twice and he is describing me to her as his 'new lady' and having a 'new life'. Also, he made a bit of a racist commen about a book I have in the house. Has anyone else seen behaviour like this and if so, any insights. Should I just assume he is cross with his ex or do I run for the hills?? She doesn't seem to have actually done anything to him and they were together for a long long time and she knows his son and his son really likes her so why he is talking about her as though she is bitch from hell?? Also, he told her in a text that he was on a date and staying the night (ie with me) but I hadn't actually told him that in advance that he could stay so he was assuming all along. I'm a bit worried her. Help! I was excited to be going on a date as I've been single for a long time. Also, he is very rude about his exes and out of curiosity i looked their names up on facebook and managed to see one main pic of them each and the ex wife is attractive and the ex GF is beautiful. He himself is quite plain though ... and it sounds as though he got with them when they were quite vulnerable and the way he speaks about them both is awful. Apparently they are now friends and the ex wife shows support to the ex GF. Now I am concerned. I have had some good replies on here before re other stuff and all this has done my head in. I hope you guys can give me some answers. Thanks.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (7 February 2010):
I think you could be setting yourself up for a fall. He seems angry with his ex because she doesn't do exactly as he wants. That's why he calls her names. I think you could end up having a very bad experience and should consider dropping him before it gets serious.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2010): In my opinion he sounds like a loser.
If he's calling these other women bitches and names like that; what makes you think he won't call you that?
Sounds like someone who is more than just mad.
I say run.
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