A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hey here's the problem my boyfriend and I used to have sex twice a day morning and night we've been together just over 2 years he moved in after being together a year the past few months we hardly ever have sex maybe once a week I asked him if he still finds me attractive he just said I'm overthinking things I haven't changed physically I haven't gained any weight or changed anything about myself I just cant figure out what's going on I've tried initiating sex but he just says he's got no interest in it what do I do I can't live my life without sex I'm only 30
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (15 March 2017):
 Is he asking you to live without sex? Maybe the pressure is to much for him, maybe he cannot keep up the pace and is not turned on because you keep asking him for sex now. It should be spontaneous and fun, not pestered until you get it. If this was a man that wrote this post he would get slandered for getting at his girlfriend all the time for sex. Their is more to a relationship than sex and it does die down in a long term relationship. Maybe you simply need someone with a higher sex drive?
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (9 March 2017):
 To put it into perspective, you're not going without sex. It is usual for relationships to have ebbs and flows and still maintain a healthy sex life. Not many couples are sexually in sync, and the ones who are usually took years to develop that way and involves some compromise.
Honeypie is dead-on right in her advice. Stop asking if you're still attractive to him. In fact, for a bit, stop initiating sex and become very busy and see if that piques his sexual appetite some. He could simply be under stress. Also, you two just moved in, and many couples make the mistake of giving their partners the "leftover" time rather than the prime time they were giving them when they lived apart. Now, you both see each other when you let down your hair, as opposed to showering and freshening up and looking one's best to go on dates. So don't let the dating stop just because you live together now.
Don't get alarmed yet. Don't view the sex dropoff as some huge symptom, because twice per day is typically "honeymoon" level sex for new relationships. And - there will be times when the sex increases, and times where it will decrease. Just see what happens in the next couple of months, and back off of initiating AND making reference to the decrease of sexual frequency, and when you DO get together, start changing things up. Learn new pleasuring techniques....keep a little bit of mystery to your game rather than just settling into a pattern of stale, predictable sex.
You're not living without sex. It's diminished, but not non-existent. Just see if it's an ebb before jumping to the "He doesn't desire me anymore" nuclear level.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2017): Having sex once a week is not living without it. That is probably the avg long term couples do when they settle down. I agree with code warrior completely your expectations seem incredibly high and that will make it a chore for him.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (7 March 2017):
 I don't think you HAVE to live without sex. Though, you can. We all CAN. Doesn't mean we have to "settle" for a life without.
I think it's kind of normal for SOME, that once people move in with each other over time the occurrence of sex tapers off a little. Maybe not from twice a day to once a week, that seems like a VERY big drop off.
The reality is that you and your BF have two very different levels of sex drive/libido. And your BF figured now that you two live together he no longer HAS to "perform".
So YOU have to decide if you want to BE with a guy who no longer wants sex, who ISN'T a good match sexually to you - OR not.
I would try and step back from sex for a while to see if HE starts to pursue you again or not. Before you decide if you rather end it and find someone else.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (7 March 2017):
 Maybe you feel like you can't live without sex but a lot of us, single by choice or not, are still living happy active lives. Maybe what you are seeking is not really the sessions that lead to a minute long tingling sensation, but rather the acceptance, approval that you still got it, and feeling desired by your partner. The feeling that the relationship is still going strong. Sex does slow down a bit once you settle down in a relationship. There is no standard which says you have to be having x times a week. If you want to be pursued again you have to come to a place where there was once novelty, excitement and passion. Desire for sex does not come from a beautiful body alone. It's a combination of emotional connection, attraction (not just physical) and being happy in life. To let him pursue you again, you have allow that space, to maintain an individual life and not smother him with the need for sex. You don't want him to offer sex out of obligation. Please don't freak out over the lack of frequency. This is normal in every relationship. If your relationship is solid, it can mean that it's moving beyond just the physical. It's something deeper that you can both grow into.
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