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We want to stay friends but seeing her with someone else is just to hard!

Tagged as: Dating, Friends, The ex-factor, Three is a crowd<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (13 March 2011) 1 Answers - (Newest, 14 March 2011)
A male United Kingdom age 36-40, *ndy00 writes:

Hey everyone, please help if you can.

I met a girl in the first week of my final year of university, the first week of her first year. We had a wonderful relationship and seemed to be really happy together throughout. In the final weeks of the relationship we started to talk about what would happen after I finished university. I had hoped we would at least try to make things work, but alas after 4 1/2 months together she said that she thought it would be too hard to keep the relationship going and she wanted some time to get used to life at university when I'm not there, so we finished.

Now just a couple of weeks later, she seems to have started seeing somebody else and I'm crushed. It's hard enough having to accept that our break up is circumstantial, but for her to start seeing somebody new so soon is just so hard. It is particularly difficult because we are trying to stay friends. I promised her that if she still wanted me in her life, I would do it for her and that's what she wants. I want to stay in her life in the hope that maybe somewhere down the road we'll be together again, even if it is unbelievably unlikely. But if there is to be even a chance of this I must be strong.

We have met up a few times since the break up and each time we have had a lovely time together. After seeing her on Friday she even said that it had been her favourite part of the week. We also exchanged a lot of hugs, but knowing that that is all I can do while some guy is able to put his lips on her just seems so unfair. I put everything I could into the relationship and now some other guy who doesn't even love her gets to be more affectionate with her than I can. Where is the justice?

One of my biggest problems with this is that I feel so much for despite the fact that we were only together for 4 1/2 months. I have ALWAYS gotten so attached to every girlfriend I've ever had and when the relationship has eventually ended it has always taken me a long time to get over. In this case it's even harder because she is moving on and I have nobody to help me move on from her.

How can I accept that my ex is moving on? What is the best way to move on myself? And WHY OH WHY do I get so attached to every girl I date? Please help!

View related questions: crush, move on, my ex, university

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2011):

just..don't stay friends with your ex. maybe years later you can. but clearly you haven't moved on, in which case staying friends would be too harsh for you.

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