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female
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anonymous
writes: I have been with my partner for the past twelve months and I feel it is time that we move in together. He is 15 years older than I am and is still living at home with his parents where his mum is having a hard time letting go of her son and also being in touch with the times and how things happen in todays society. He is in his fourties and we would like to start a family but he is worried about upsetting his family so when I mention moving in together and having children (which are topics we have spoken about previously), he tells me it won't be too much longer but I feel that it will never happen and that his mum will always be ruling our lives. I love him very dearly and we get along really well. What can I do? Anonymous
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female
reader, Phoebe Halliwell  +, writes (29 May 2006):
 Dear Anon,Your partner is in a very dificult situation. Think of it from his point of view. He is in love with this lovely woman and really wants to love together and start a family. However, he can't bear to hurt his dear old mum. Why don't you talk to his mum. Tell her you love her Son very much and wouldn't she love to have Grandchildren? Tell her you would never dream of hurting her Son and you know no-one will ever be goood enough for him but can't you try? Doesn't she want him to be happy? You mentioned you feel the moving in and the starting a family will never happen. This is a good feeling, it means you really care about him and really want to be with him and really love him, instead of thinking you love him and finding it's just a crush. Go for it! Do all you can to get that family you do clearly want and deserve. We're all behind you! Find you Happiness,Good Luck, All The Best and Blessed Be,Phoebexxx
A
female
reader, Smiler +, writes (29 May 2006):
 Hey there
I completely agree with my collegue above you have to offer you man an ultimatum here tell him its life as a momas boy or life with you its that simple... you could always reassure his mother by getting added security at her home ie panic buttons house alarm, window locks chain on the door etc... all of the above would help her adjust to life without you man living there, sit down explain to your man that you need him to you would like to settle down start a family and time waits for no man he either chooses or looses you that would be my advice make him cut loose from those apron strings... boys and the ties of the mother can be a hard thing to get around so he has to decide which he wants more
i hope my advice helped you a little...stay strong
You Take Care Sweetie X
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A
male
reader, Wild Thaing  +, writes (29 May 2006):
 "... when I mention moving in together and having children (which are topics we have spoken about previously), he tells me it won't be too much longer..." He sounds just like a married man, but he's actually married to his parents!!!
Honey, you have to make your man choose between building a new family with you (and without his parents) or a continuation of his life as mama's boy (and without you). There is NO middle ground in this debate. Years ago, my wife (along with my cousin) helped me to see how oppressive my relatives could be. Thanks to their counsel and the occasional forceful reminder, the priorities are very clear in my mind - my family comes first ALL OF THE TIME. Everyone else, including parents and other relatives, sit lower down the list.
I was thirty when I made the choice. Nobody in my family has to compete with other relatives for my time - by "family" I mean my wife and my kid. Ask your man which family he wishes to belong to.
Good luck, and be strong.
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