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female
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*razyinlove
writes: i need some advice.i am in a long distance relationship with this guy who i met over the internet.we have been together for six months now and have known each other as friends for a year all together.but just a few days ago he tells me that he has been in a bad relationship with this girl for 6 years,and has a daughter to her and that he lives with them.ive never been there,so i had no clue.on the visits he had always came to see me.he swears up and down that he is trying to get the nerve to leave her because he loves me and they havent gotten along for the last couple years,and that the reason he hasnt is because of his daughter.he says he didnt want to tell me because he was too scared that i wouldnt be with him if i knew.so anyways after a very long talk,i told him that i will stay with him and give him two months....if hes really unhappy being with her then that should be enough time to get the courage to leave.other than this problem,me and him are very close and get along very well together.hes very important to me.leaving him is not an option right now because i do trust that he will leave after all that he has told me about their relationship.but my question is do you think two months is too long? and if anybody has ever been in this type of situation themsleves i would appreciate any helpful advice
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female
reader, Wendyg  +, writes (29 May 2006):
 The thing you need to be sure off, was his relationship bad before he met you ? He could be in a turmoil and is telling you what you want to hear. Yes hes fallen for you, and the way he can tell you hes in a relationship already is to tell you that its all gone bad! He should have been honest with you in the begining and told you that he was already involved with someone else. You need to make sure that ifyou do get together that a little while down the line he doesnt do the same to you, hits a bad patch and rather than fix it finds someone else ? He could be telling the truth and needs a way to get out, but this could all end in tears, hes always going to have a tie with his ex as they have a child together, so you need to ask yourself if you are also ready for this. there is also no saying that he will leave her, he could just be having some fun with you as a bit on the side, you say you trust him, but how can you when you already know that he is cheating on his current partner ? This is a bit of a sticky situation, you say is two months a long time,well in reality yes, if hes ready to be with you, and leave his partner and hes that unhappy why is he hanging this out ? Maybe hes trying to see if hes partner is going to change, maybe hes trying to work things out and your the back up claus ? If he were honest with you in the beginig things may have been different and you would have had the choice then before you got to involved, as it is your in danger of becoming very hurt. Detach yourself a bit and see what happens, but be prepared that he may not leave her, you may want to force the issue with him or indeed just let him stay with her, hes not any hurry to leave to her.
A
female
reader, Smiler +, writes (29 May 2006):
 Hey there
well firstly sweetie i understand that you trust this guy and you have known him overall for about a year, but ask yourself here sweetie, if you have been having a exclusive (agreeing to see only each other and no one else) relationship for 6 months now why did he not tell you previously? fair enough he says because he was scared of loosing you right? well to me thats exactly my point... sweetie i honestly feel he only told you in case he got caught having his cake and eating it.. if he was in a relationship that was truely as bad as he says he wouldn't be hanging around there would he? he would of got out straight away not only for his benefit but for the benefit of the child involved. i can understand you wanting to give him the benefit of the doubt here and wait for him to get out so you can be together. but in answer to the original question you asked 2 months is a little longer than i would of given him myself... i personally would say you have a month to decide weather you wanna be with me or you are staying there... if he's in a bad relationship like he says he won't need the month he'll be out like a shot trust me....
I hope my advice helped you out a little, let me know how you get on ok. Good Luck Sweetie
You Take Care X
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