A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Me and my husband have been best friends with another couple until last year when we decided to try some not-so-innocent massage on each others spouses. It took me a while but today we are still the greatest of friends and in addition we have turned emotionally attached to them. We are close to going all the way and wonder if there would be long-term repercussions in continuing this lifestyle.Also, do you have any information about this subject. What we do isn't swinging as we don't ever consider trying it with other people ever. What's your take on this?I could shed more details if that helps. We are in our thirties, with kids.
View related questions:
best friend, swinging Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey Pete:
You do make a valid point with regard to my husband and the fact he can waver.
Our friends are currently away on a week-long convention in Mexico with old friends, (not swingers) and despite our protestations regarding their character and the fact we don't like them, they went on regardless putting business possibilities before our friendship expecting us to be understanding.
It has hurt us terribly and which is why we are at the cross-roads where we are evaluating our conduct.
I guess it is scary to be so dependent on another couple for your own happiness and security.
On the flip side, we have both explored the physical and mental side of other human beings which we would not have had we been monogamous.
With Valentine's Day around the corner, me and his wife (who is my primary friend) are planning on getting gifts for each others' men.
We have in the past thought of the other partner as the second wife/husband.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2007): Maybe this website gets only the bad experiences of these situations but I agree with the other comments. When you open up your marriage to other people sexually you are playing with fire because there is always a risk of a deeper emotional bond being connected and that is certainly what I read on here time and time again.
I feel that if your husband is already not very physically with you then the chances of his "love" are highly lightly to be directed to someone else if he finds that person more sexually appealing than you. If your husband is already not sexually interested in you then you should be very worried about allowing him to be with another women. You may see a distinction between the sanctitute of your marriage and your husband and children but not everyone sees such clear boundaries.
...............................
A
female
reader, Wendyg  +, writes (6 February 2007):
 Anon, I would Happily Talk to you, If you want to mail me here, feel free and I can chat to you regarding a somewhat similar experience.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell Eve, thanks for the thoughtful response. I do fear that our relationship has suffered. But the thing is that in the five of the seven years we've been married, my husband has had little urge to be physical with me. Yes he loves and cares for me, but the aspect of physical I craved but was forced to make do without.
Now with the other man, his passion and energy matches mine, although personality-wise, my husband would be the clear winner, in my eyes atleast.
I guess we are playing with fire and it troubles us from time to time and it does bother me that we are so dependant on them for our happiness and completeness and human beings.
Has anyone heard such a story before? I would like to connect or read similar stories from anyone who has experienced what we are currently.
...............................
A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (6 February 2007):
 The reason you want to do this is out of pure curiousity, to see what if feels like to have sex with someone else with your husband's blessing and vice versa of course. Like CD mentioned below, there are various points to take into consideration, all of them which I agree with.
Another point to consider is this... what if your husband felt emotionally attracted to this woman or she with him, or you with her husband or vice versa? Do you realise you risk breaking up your marriage if things don't work out the way you think they should go?
My last point to mention to you is this. Although all this is very new to you and even exciting, if you do it a few times you'll maybe want to take it a step further again. You or your husband might want to meet with other couples? Try swinging at (apparently highly recommended clubs) other fetishes might come to the fore or sick fantasies, you might be asked to try making out with the girl or your husband with the guy, although this might seem extreme just now, as time goes on, it might just appeal to you to see if you get "the buzz."
All I am saying is just be very careful that things aren't taken to the extremes. In my honest opinion I think fantasies should remain exactly that... fantasies as reality is never quite the same.
Eve
...............................
A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (6 February 2007):
 I've never been in this situation so I just want to list a few concerns. Perhaps they're things you've already considered to feel free to ignore them if so
1 What if your kids found out? I think it's highly important that you're discreet about this if you choose to go ahead.
2 Are you sure you're confident about seeing this other woman having sex with your husband and vice versa? Massage is one thing but with this you're watching your husband cheat on you and that won't be easy.
3 Do you plan to use contraception to avoid infections? Maybe you don't swing but do you know this couple don't? Just because they're your friends doesn't mean theyre sexually healthy. Might be worth keeping in mind.
4 Will it be a one time thing or will you repeat it? What if one of the others in the foursome don't want to continue it? Or if you don't want to? Are you prepared to respect their wishes/ruin everyone elses' fun?
I think if you can honstly say you're comfortable with all the negatives I've mentioned that you should go ahead and enjoy yourselves but be aware that the problems exist okay?
Hope this helps.
CD
...............................
|
