A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am a 30 year old guy in love, with Long distance relationship since past 5 years. We have never met in person but we both talk to each other on phone. Everything was going fine till this year in January. I had met a girl (Call her A) while travelling and exchanged our contact numbers and became friends, no strings attached. I then told my GF about this and introduced her to A. Now A had faught with my GF and said unnecessary things to my GF - that me and A were sharing a relation, which my GF is not happy about, my GF believes her and from past one year our relation is on the verge of Breakup.Every 2nd day my Gf comes up the things that A told her and confronts me, also she hates me to exchange my contact details with A when i was having a Serious relationship with her. She feels i have cheated on her by making A my friend. Though now A is out of our life but what all she did have made a hard impact on my relation with my GF. We both love each other a lot and care for each too. But when my GF get the thought of all those things she just can't control and starts a fight with me. Even nowadays the things that she used to like about me she hates. Whatever I say or do she finds a fualt in it and starts a fight. I'm unable to handle the fights and now am under depression, I hate myself to hurt her feelings. I have told her so and she knows that too. She herself is under depression and its like that she gets hysteric.I want to know how should i react to her when she is angry. As i dont know what to say what to do in those times. Please help me save this relationship as we are planning to bring our parents in between to talk about marriage.
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female
reader, Oblivia  +, writes (4 November 2007):
 I agree with PM that you should find a way to meet with her in person soon. You are now at a turning point and how you solve this issue, which is about restoring her trust in you, is very important for your future. I assume that if you get married it will be she leaving her home and live with you? Imagine how she must feel now if she doubts that you can be trusted.
You say that you travelled before. Is there any way you can go where she lives? I understand that probably you can't stay in her house, but do you have any relatives or friends there who you can stay with? You can then meet with her and talk.
For this to work you will also have to put up with her being angry at you even if you don't know what to say to her. She needs this to process what happened. Look upon it as a good thing, it means that she is communicating her feelings to you. If she had no intentions to ever forgive you, she wouldn't still be talking with you, so it is a good sign. Listen to her.
I hope you will be able to sort this out, wish you luck!
A
male
reader, PM  +, writes (4 November 2007):
 "I am a 30 year old guy in love, with Long distance relationship since past 5 years. We have never met in person but we both talk to each other on phone."You've NEVER met her and yet you're planning on getting married to her? Perhaps I'm missing out an important cultural norm unique to your culture, but in my reality of the world that just seems to be missing practicality. Communication over the phone is a great way to keep in touch, but I would argue that it can only work as the sole thing to base a relationship on for a small percentage of relationships. The reason I bring up the fact that you've never met her is because being with her is exactly how you deal with this situation. The basis of your relationship with your gf is solely through the phone and nothing more. Your relationship with girl A is through the phone and nothing more. It's not hard to see why your gf thinks you are cheating on her. You've triggered a biological need in her for knowing that her partner will be around, mainly that you won't leave her. The only way you can assure her of that, is to actually BE with her which is difficult seeing as you've never actually met her. In my opinion, there's not much else for you to do but to reassure her in person. However, if that's not possible, you'll have to try and assure her with words but I'm not sure if they'll speak loudly enough to help you.
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