A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Okay. So I had been seeing this girl for a few days, and she wanted to have sex. But when we tried to I couldn't get erect. Naturally I got really embarassed, and we didn't really talk again. It took me a while to get my confidence back, but I finally started dating again and meet a new girl.So, when I'm with this girl I get really nervous thinking it might happen again. But when it doesn't I'm relieved and go right for it, and skip foreplay and everything. About ten seconds later I was done. So now I'm embarassed in a whole new way. Again we stop talking, and break up.I'm so freaked out now about sex. When I'm with a girl I get so nervous, cause either nothing will happen or not much will happen.How can I get over this?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2007): Well I'm impressed with you because you are a serious caring guy. There are a lot of girls out there under the impression that men are Mr Ramrods and up for sex 24/7! It's so shallow but this is what the current pornographic culture is force feeding us and we believe it! What you have experienced with your girlfriends is what I have been through with male partners myself... I really was into a guy big time and all the times we slept together he couldn't get erect, I thought it was me and that he didn't fancy me, but this was not the case. He fancied me but was so anxious that he wouldn't please me, it became a recurring problem and the relationship disintergrated. At the time I was very sexually inexperienced myself and what I have learned is that you must concentrate on establishing a relationship as friends, whereby you can trust each other before sleeping together. Yes there are people out there who hop in and out of bed with everyone and experience no problems. But from my observation of yourself is that you are caring and sensitive. So you haven't got a problem at all ! You just must establish trust with a girl, one you can talk to and one who is going to be gentle with you. Don't ever feel pressurised by a woman if she wants to get into bed with you, if you don't feel ready then tell her you respect her and would like to wait a little longer. Now if she is a really nice person she will see this as a compliment and not a put down and will be prepared to wait until the moment is right for you. Just take things slowly...
A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (4 November 2007):
 Your basing your relationships on sex. When do you expect to find someone for a long term relationship if its not based on anything else.
The quick finish, you must be nervous. It's what's called hyper focus, you're so paranoid instead of enjoying it you focus on the end result, and it comes quicker than one would like.
It's like the saying goes, "if you keep doing what you're doing, you'll keep getting what you're getting."
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