A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My ex says she loves me, is desperate to have me back but cant yet, and her greatest fear is that I will not be in her life at all. She just couldn’t bare for me not to be in her life.But I cant just be friends with her, it has to be all or nothing. So I gave her the choice, be with me or, never see me again at all. She chose never see me at again all!!!So much for her fearing me not being in her life because when it came to it, that’s the choice she made.I want her back, she wants me back, but we don’t seem to be getting there!! Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2009): are you my ex boyfriend? we are in the same situation. i did this to him... because he hurt me by leaving me
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2009): both of you need time apart to determine to find what's important to yourselves.look into your own soul and heart to see what's missing.it took myself a month to talk to friends family and to god.find yourself first,once you can love yourself and be confident about yourself it'll show to everybody around you.be honest and truthful to each other during this time!!believe me it's gonna hurt like mad but i believe both of you will be happy in the end
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2009): she spilt with me bacause she needed space, thats all she said.
I was the one moving on, then she comes back and said about wanting me in her life. So i gave her the choice.
Its all or nothing and she chose nothing. she never said why
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A
male
reader, Helpful_In_Ohio  +, writes (3 March 2009):
 Well giving someone an ultimatum at that point in a break up is not the smartest thing to do. Since you have done this already and she has picked that latter option is that what you wanted ? I mean really did you really want her back or were you trying to control her decision ? think on that you cannot and should not control anyone in a relationship or out of one. everyone including couples need indivisualism its something that works for a relationship not against it. I hope this helps you. just wanted to touch on your topic and help out. I was in this predicament not so long ago and well just to say I am still single and loving meeting new people that do not control me and respect my privacy . Thanks for letting me give my say Helpful In Ohio
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (3 March 2009):
 Did she give you any reasons why she choose not to have you in her life anymore?
It seems a strange decision to make if you both want each other back - did you not tell her you wanted her back? It seems to me you have probably got confused somewhere down the line and maybe she doesnt realise that you want to have another go at the relationship.
I suggest you call her/email her/go find her, do whatever it takes to find her and speak to her. Lay it down on the line that you want her back and you will do whatever it takes. If she then says she wants you back too, then all is well.
If she tells you she has moved on and doesnt want to give it another go then you have to accept this and move on too. It worries me slightly that you think she wants to get back together with you yet she chose to cut contact with you; this may be a sign that in fact she does not want to try again and that she wants to move on.
If this is the case then you have to accept this, accept the fact she is an ex and she is in your past now; and then try and get on with your life.
But talk to her first; find out what is really going on with her. If you really love her and are determined to get her back then you will make sure you speak to her and tell her how you feel.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2009): Relationships are difficult to sustain at times. You don't really tell us what the problem is, so there's no way to advise you. In general, all I can say is it takes work on both sides. Keep at it. If you both want it, fight for it! Figure out together what is going wrong and try to correct it. If you give more info, we can give more advice!
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