A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I might start by saying I am not the perfect guy, which is the major cause of our relationship break down. I am 20 and my gf is 18.I have known my gf (as a good/best friend) for a year become we got into relationship. Before we got into relationship, (I Feel guilty saying this) I was bit stupid and messed up, I had lots of girl mates and couple of the I flexed with but not in any intercourse level. We studied in the same college, were together most of the time but I didn’t not have any feeling towards her at that time as I though she was too good for me.Finally one good day we just clicked and decided to be together. As we were together we wanted to have a long term relationship, we knew it was important to talk about our past. My past worried me I wanted me, I slowly told her every thing…[I really really don’t want to say this to public but I want my relationship to work, that’s why I am telling this out]I had liked one of her friend – “Girl A” (common friend) but we didn’t go outI made out with this other two girl “Girl B,C”, who was our common friend as well (not intercourse)And this other girl liked me so she kissed me “Girl D”I told her everything within the third month as I wanted to be serious. During these three months we had loads of fun love and everything. She even let me do stuffs she didn’t want to.But after I confessed all these to her it sexually put her off from me. She went for like two month holiday oversea. I was bit pushy towards her, I felt I wanted more of her in a sexual relationship because we were together 20hors or more a day. This put her off more. She came back from holiday and since then we are arguing most of the time for silly thingWe both see each other every day and are together most of the time. We both know we love each other. We do have good times but its sad when its not. We have lots of good memories and not its been like 1year since we been togetherNow we argue as she again brought up my past and started to dig on it. Unfortunately I don’t remember what I did. The questions she askes were “How many times I made out” etc… I Can understand why she is bring this up, its cause she sees the friend Girl B every day in college and they are good friendsI tried to explain to her saying that it was my past and not to bother about it. But she doesn’t seem to understand. All these things are in her head and its putting her off. Me pushing her for sexual relationship made her conclude that I just want her for sex. Now she bring up the point saying that in the first there months I sexually took advantage of her.I am really broken down, I love this girl and since I been with her I have done my best to make her happy and not be stupid or silly. Just because I had messed up past she does not understand me. How am I meant to deal with her?She is very argument and negative. How can I motivate her and make her know I have been with her for past year because I loved her?p.s we have gone extreme level in our arguments Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi, Helpful_In_Ohio you have made me realize lots of things and I feel ashamed of myself, I understand I have ruined everything but I have hope. Is there any possibility of me making this work?
Ya I have been stupid and messed with our mutual friends. This happened before we started dating. I know it’s a big mistake and I would never do it again
I will try talking with her again and see what she says.
A
male
reader, Helpful_In_Ohio  +, writes (3 March 2009):
 well First and foremost you were wrong in telling her everything . This may sound really bad but there are somethings that should stay private and your sexual ( or non sexual "kissing" ) past is definatly one of them. That only serves to do what its doing right now create doubt and make arguments. its a pretty crappy thing but its what happens more often then not
Now i was reading and found that both of you are very young 20 (you) and 18 ( her. The way young people especially girls take things ( and I do not mean all but most ) are very childish in there reactions to things that do not sit well with them and they do what I call POUT and make you pay . . . Its not a good thing but you have to remember she is 18 and has that type of outlook on life. its not easy to deal with and it takes a very strong man to over look the childish behavior and try to move on . but if she is not moving on maybe no matter what you do will not be enough for her no explanation will ever explain it away.
were you with her when you kisses these other girls ? dating seeing or anything like that ? and why would you do that with a mutual friend were there not enough other females out there in the college you go to the places you hang out or any other place you go or do ? That's a no no never do or have a relationship with mutual friends it always comes out pretty bad and you did not only do it with one but 4 of the friends ? were you trying to make your way thru all of the friends ? come on man what was going thru your head?
Well I don't see things getting better in all honesty. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news but you asked for help. I am not they type to say what you wanna hear i am a truth teller BRUTALLY HONEST .
HOpe this helps
helpful in ohio
Back to the topic at hand i think you have ruined this relationship I know that not what you want to hear but its the truth. she has been turned off to you and well that means the feelings she had for you are gone bud. from what I read your doing your best to make things better but she seems not to be able to get over the fact you did it and i am sure that her friend she sees every day makes her think about it every time she sees her she sees you kissing her in her mind.
Let me ask you can you just let it go if the shoe was on the other foot ? if you can your a better guy then most of the guys out there . truthfully I could not take her back and be fully mentally and physicaly with her.
Now about the sexual pressure why ? Why would you pressure her so much ? Is it another conquest for you ? Something to feed your ego ? Why push so hard to have sex? i do not get it. sex is not everything.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2009): Hard Work! Agree to be better to eachother! But she has to get over the past! As long as she is harboring resentment, she will not move forward! You have to get that point across to her in a loving, caring, understanding way!
The key to a successful, healthy relationship is communication, honesty, and trust! Convince her that this is what you want from your relationship. Tell her you refuse to argue and rehash what has happened in the past.
Good Luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionbritt429 thanks for the replay. You made a point by saying she is young and immature. I think it’s true. I have told her and tried to make her understand but every time an argument comes she brings my past again and again. It’s been like 11ish months now and I don’t know how to make her understand. I have told her in nice way, angry way, rude way everything it’s not getting into her. I started to get the feeling that she is too good or perfect girl and that I am a stupid messed up person.
Since we been together a lot I want to make it work
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSorry for not being clear
1. No i haven hit her, we fight soo much argue soo much that both of us become aggressive and push our self
2. I don’t know, The thing we fought so much and I couldn’t take it so I asked her to break up with me like three times. This has got into her. I only asked to break up with her cause I thought I want the right guy. But she still stuck with me and here we are now.
3. Flexed = kissed (this happened in the past before I got with her)
4. No i didn’t push her, she was happy doing things. I said i pushed because i asked for it. We didn’t not have any sexual intercourse.
5. Ya we use to meet in college, after college we used to be together chilling. Then get home like 12-2ish then again meet in the morning 8.
Thanks k_c100 or any one here please advice me. We both want to be together with each other but how?
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2009): If she can't get over the past...she can't get on with the future! She needs to let go of all that has happened before you two became a serious couple. If she can't do that, the relationship won't work!
As we age, and have experienced more relationships, we realize that everyone has a past. We have to learn to separate that from the present. She may just be too young and inexperienced to know that.
If she means a lot to you, try to get her to understand how you feel now. You have to earn her trust, that may take time.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (3 March 2009):
 Well let me start by saying that your question doesnt make much sense and is written fairly badly hence you may not get the answers you are looking for on here.
1. What do you mean by the "extreme level" in your arguments? Have you hit her?
2. Do you think the relationship has broken down because you are not "the perfect guy"?
3. What do you mean by "flexed with"? (when you speak about your actions with other girls)
4. What "stuff" did she let you do that she didnt want to do? This almost sounds like you have pushed her into sexual activities that she wasnt happy about (and this could be misconstrued as rape)
5. How did you manage to spend 20 hours a day together? Do you live together? Did you go home and sleep for 4 hours?! Do either of you work/go to school/uni etc?
I think if you can answer these questions I will be in a better situation to answer your question.
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