A
male
age
51-59,
*ic_Cal
writes:I have started a new relationship with a woman of 28 and I am 36. We got together just under 3 months ago, she works for a customer of mine and asked me out after and we got on very well. Everything started out fine. I visited her after work, we went out for drinks nearly every night during the week and spent nights with her at her flat. Then it progressed and I spent one or two nights with her during the week. We are both busy people and I have made more time for her, we used to MSN and text each other many times a day. Now she never goes on MSN and she hardly ever texts back. We have both admitted we love each other but she is now saying she needs her own time to be her self in the week that she is tired all the time. I have said I will give her the time she needs to do what she wants weather it be work or just clean her flat, have early nights, etc. It is killing me to think that she is distancing her self from me as I am truly in love with her but am I doing the right thing giving her the space as she has lived on her own and needs time to get used to the idea of us being together or am I just fooling myself that she is going to change. She has said I need to get some friends so I have interests and things to do when she is not around or if she is off with her friends is this another sign or am I just fooling myself that this relationship is going anywhere.
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (18 July 2007):
 I see you're seriously, and very much, interested in this girl. I bet you were very happy to give her all the time you could. You think she's well worth it, and you would give her even more time if you could. She says you should get some friends; you know, I assume you do have friends and interests, but you gladly put them aside for her.
The thing here is, giving her all your time takes up all of her free time, and maybe more. So, even if she loves you, she wants to see other people, do other things, et cetera. This is normal.
The good part is, she admits she loves you, and she was the one who asked you out in the first place. The bad part is, she might feel smothered. Maybe she already does, and this is your subconscious fear. Very often you're doomed once you her the word "space".
I think you should give her exactly what she wants, time and space. E-mail her or call her once a week, for a short time. Let her come to you if she wants that. This is your best course of action.
I have a few more words for you. I don't know if you have children from a previous marriage, or whatever; but, for your age, I assume you do want to settle and very much want to commit to this lady. She must be wonderful. I even dare say you think she's the ONE. If I'm right, then maybe you were too pushy. You may not feel it that way, because you were giving her your unmeasurable love. That lake of love might drown her, unless you serve it one glass at a time.
If you don't take it easy, you'll end up heartbroken and you'll push away someone as important as she is.
If my words do describe you, I suggest you tell her all this, in a letter (something she can read when she has the time), and you make sure she knows you're giving her space.
Hope this helps.
A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (18 July 2007):
 You have not been together long and like you say she lives on her own, maybe things are moving a little too quickly for her and that is why she has asked you to give her some space in the week.
Who knows where the relationship will go but if you give her the space that she needs and you take some of her advice about having things to do when she is out and about then it's a good start.
Take care.xx.
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