A
female
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*isha
writes:hello i need some advice. I have been with my boyfriend for 2 and a half years and he finished it with me on sunday. he said he still loves me as a person but wants to be single. im gutted...i feel so crap and cant stop thinking about him. Fair enought if he had done something wrong to me it would be easier to get over but he hasnt. We had a great relationship and always had a laugh. I really want to be friends, we have been through so much tgether and i cnt imagine not having him in my life. He said the same to me, he wnats to help me and be my friend. Honestly guys....will i get over him? What have i got to expect from this? Any advie will be appreciated...please help! thanx xxx
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male
reader, lifeiswhatyoumakeit  +, writes (3 January 2008):
There's a lot great advice. I've been such relationships and there really is no way to be friends. It's hard to unlove a person you are in love with. Because those old feelings cannot be repressed. The best advice is to lose all contact with them. Never let them back in any part of your life, unless they can give you more. Friendship is slow torture to the guy or girl in love. You hope by staying around, the person may come back to you. Either they are in your life totally or out of you life totally. You can't hang on, to someone who is not wanting to be held.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2007): Hey sweetheart.
I'm going through the almost exact same situation as you.
Me and my boyfriend were doing great, sure we'd have our
arguments but I took that as normal because no relationship is perfect, but I guess it was too much for him. He said he still loved me, and eventually wanted to get back together and wanted to remain friends for now. It has been almost 3 months and it has been extrememly hard for me as well.
In my case, unfortunatly, we would continue to hook up with eachother everytime we spent time together. I had told him I didn't want to be used and he said he wouldn't do that to me, and I trusted him. Well, 2 days ago I found out he had hooked up with 3 other girls. I'm devestated!
It is very hard, but I think the next step we both should take is to just stop communication and seeing them. It's going to be hard, but once they realize we're not their anymore, hopefully they will be wanting to come back. It's not a guarantee, but I'm not sure what else I have left to do. Just know that you aren't the only one feeling hurt and alone. 3
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2007): Hi, I went through a similar thing with my ex after 2 years together. I really thought being friends would help me but it only made things worse because I couldnt move on. After a few months I stopped all contact and it was the best thing for me. The best thing to do is be honest with your friends and tell them you feel lonely, ask them to spend more time with you and maybe book a holiday or some nights out with them. When you realise that you are not really alone you will get over your ex, yeah it takes time but it will happen, I promise!
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A
female
reader, agonyauntlisaxxxx +, writes (11 August 2007):
 Hey Sweetheart,I know it's hard to deal with the break up and still think you love him. I went through that with my ex of 2 years. It's taken me 7 months to forget him completely maybe longer but I stopped loving him after one. I went through depression and a pregnancy scare after my ex had finished it.You have to cut all ties with you're ex, When you're over him then you can be friends then again I wouldn't bother. An ex is an ex for a reason. He sounds to me he's not worth your time. You can do better. You will find someone to love you, appriciate you, respect you and love you for you. It's taken me a long time to get that in to my head. You will meet someone right for you. xxxx
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A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (10 August 2007):
 It has been my experience that I will get over someone once I stop hanging out with them, bumping into them, talking to them regularly etc. It may sound extreme, but it really does help you begin to rebuild your life without them. Your b/f obviously feels like he doesn't want to be in this relationship anymore and he's trying to ease out as gently as he can and still help you not feel like a piece of sh** in the process. I commend him for that, but you need some distance on the whole thing before you can start to heal. I wish you the best.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2007): You'll get over him. But it's going to hurt a lot at first. My boyfriend of two years broke up with me a year ago. Similar situation as yours. But the best thing for you to do is to cut all ties with him at first. Just to make it easier for you to move on. I cried alot at first. And two months later I had a new boyfriend. And in a lot of ways he was better than my ex. But it took me about six months to stop thinking about my ex altogether. And its been a year, and I still think about him sometimes but not with the same pain as I used to.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (10 August 2007):
 The basic point here is, you still love him, but he doesn't love you anymore. This is why he broke up with you. And this is the foundation of any relationship between you two in the future.
You should not expect love from him, dear. This should be very clear for you.
I have my doubts about your being friends. I believe that it is indeed possible for two people who were in a relationship to become friends, but I need to accept the hard reality that many people just can't remain friends.
For a friendship to be sustained, both parties need to want a friendship and nothing else; so, you will be able to be friends only if you can forget about him, and if HE really wants to be your friend. Sometimes people offer friendship because they know you're hurting and want to soften the blow, but they don't really mean it. I wonder if this is the case here, but you need to be aware of this.
How would you feel right now if he came up with another girl? As a friend, you could not complain and you would need to behave as a FRIEND, not as a former lover.
Think if you could handle this. If you can't, I think it's best if you don't try to be his friend.
If you want the friendship because you don't want to lose him entirely, that's bad; you might end up wishing for more than he will give you.
I see you wonder why he broke up. That, you might never know. He will keep the reasons to himself, unless he's pissed off. I know that you need to understand, but, it's best if you stop worrying about this and, rather, put your heart and mind to healing yourself. You need this more than anything else.
You will get over him if you understand, with your mind, that, whatever the reason, the relationship is over; and if you accept, with your heart, that such is indeed the case.
I know you will be in a lot of pain for a long time, but, believe me, it will go away, and the sun will shine for you one morning. Just try to live a life in which he is not included. That will ease the pain.
I would recommend you to stay away from everything him for some time. How long a time, that depends on you.
Take much care.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2007): Hey! I have been there and to tell you the truth, i didn't think i could get over him either. But, i promise, everyday you start thinking about him a little less than the previous day. You will find someone who is perfect for you and loves you just the way you are. God has a plan for you! Jeremiah 29:11-- " For i know the plans i have for you", declares the Lord, "plans to give you hope and a future and not to harm you."I don't know if this helped, but it always helps me! Good Luck.
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