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*ellamy
writes: My girlfriend and I recently broke up, and she showed very little emotion over it. She really isn't much of an emotional person, and I think it's something to do with her past. Her and her ex boyfriend suffered a miscarriage about 4 years ago, and she told me that she doesn't talk about it with anyone, and doesn't want to. I wonder if she never properly grieved over her loss - her family never mentioned it, and I know she doesn't even talk about it with them. Now a small part of me is quite relieved that I am no longer with somebody so cold and emotionless, who never even cried about our breakup, but a bigger part of me feels very sorry for her. I want her to see a counsellor, to talk about her feelings about her miscarriage, and to see that she can't go through life not letting herself feel anything. She just shuts off completely, and I don't think it's healthy. But now that we have broken up (lots of reasons why that happened), is it any of my business any more? Should I tell her that I think she needs to see a therapist? Or should I just let her go? I still care about her so much, but I HATE this side of her. I saw her vulnerable and loving and emotional a couple of times and I like that side of her much more than this cold, hard exterior. Should I try to talk to her again or just leave her to get on with her own life and me get on with mine?
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reader, d4u04  +, writes (22 March 2006):
 its very understandable that you still care about her but i really do believe that you need to let her fight her own battles, I'm sure she will come to her sense eventually because lugging around that much emotional baggage will have effects which will lead her to seek help, you just need to let her deal with things the only way she knows how I'm afraid but just remind that you'll be there for her (as a friend obviously) if she does ever need help but don't force it on her if she doesn't want it because she'll only reject it anyway.
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