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female
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anonymous
writes: i have been mates with a lad for over a year we met on line an recently met an ended up toghether relationship was brill then 1 day it just cum to an end so we stayed mates then few months ago he asked me for sex an no strings i ad to say no just didnt wanna get hurt each time i said no he kept askin ! we r very flirty an get on well but at weekend i saw him an he kissed another girl in front of me my head was wrecked an now hes sayin wel u knocked me back so ill do wat i want ur not interested in me !any idears ??
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female
reader, shania  +, writes (20 October 2006):
 The guy is a loser and il tell you why...You knocked him back because he wanted sex with no strings and you didn't want to be just a sex buddy so you said no,i think thats understandable,considering you want more then just sex with him.Did he think that your just a sex object?..I think you value yourself too much for that...let him kiss that girl,you have had a lucky escape.
A
female
reader, Beckah +, writes (20 October 2006):
 is he really worth all this worrying, let him do what he wants and u get on with ur life.
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (20 October 2006):
 Hi Anon,
So let me get this straight. He is your ex-bf. You dated. You broke up. You remain friends and even still flirt together. Even if you say no, you still FLIRT with him, so he figures you are still somewhat interested, and then asks you (not forces but ASKS) if you would like to be bed-buddies, and you turn him down over and over. He accepts, and moves on with his love life.
Then you run into him on the weekend and you see him kiss another girl.
So what's the problem? Do you still have feelings for him? Should he stay away from ever having a love life again, just becuase you do not like it?
He did not do anything wrong. He wanted to be with you, you said no, so he found someone else.
This is YOUR problem. You are the one being selfish here.
I think you liked that he kept pursuing you for sex to boost your ego, and now that he found someone else, you lost your emotional ego cookie. I think that is why you are really angry.
Now, if he knew that you were around, maybe he could have been more discreet, but you have no right to demand that he shut off from dating other people just becuase you do not want him too. The fact is, according to your own post, you broke up an rejected him for bed-buddies MONTHs ago.
Sounds like you just need to get over the fact.
-Frank B Kermit
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (20 October 2006):
 I got an idea...avoid the creep! The relationship didn't work out and it doesn't sound like your up for friends with benefits (I wouldn't be either in your shoes) so don't feel bad about the situation. He is entitled to kiss other girls because he is now technically single, and you are free to date other people too remember. Perhaps it would be wise to stop seeing this 'friend' for a while until you are over the breakup because it doesn't sound like he is being very respectful or you are getting what you want from this not so beautiful friendship!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2006): You were right to turn him down for sex. You want a relationship not someone who is obviously very selfish and doesn't care whether they hurt your feelings. Let him get on with this girl, although in my experience it was just a ploy to make you jealous. What he wants now is for you to go crawling and begging him to be with you. Don't do it! Have some self respect, he's not worth the heartache. If he really cared about you, why would he want to wreck your head like that?
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