A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Hello, its 16 weeks since my husband of 7 years and I split up, I wasnt expecting it and have really struggled although my friends and family have been very supportive. I havent cried now for 2 weeks, even though he is on my mind constantly and I am a bit worried that this is not normal?, i have begun to accept that there is no going back and that because we no longer want the same things (i want kids, he has decided he doesnt)that life for me has to go on without him. Im trying to be positive, and have joined a salsa class with my friend which is great but i still feel so alone and rejected, being at work is my only escape and i am absolutely dreading christmas, all i want to do is hide away from everyone until all the celebrations are over!. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
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male
reader, eddie  +, writes (18 November 2006):
 I can understand how some people would not want kids. I agree with you though. I can say my life would be quite hollow without my children. My daughter is 17 and my son is 14. In my opinion, you can never feel love like you feel for your kids and spouse. That is the positve side of this. Younow know, since you've split up, that some day you will be able to have kids. You can't chase your husband if his hearts not into the marriage. MArriage always has peeks and valleys. Unfortunately, he's jumping ship in a valley. The grass may not be greener for him elsewhere. He's dealt the cards and you must accept his choice. You can't make him love you as a wife. It's sad but true. Give it time and move on. TIme is the only thing that can heal a broken heart.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJust to answer eddies question, im 32 and we broke up mainly because he cant commit himself to wanting a family and he also thinks we have drifted apart. I was more than willing to try and work through our problems and hope he would change his mind but a couple of years ago he also said he was unsure about kids so its been going through his mind (without telling me)for a while. When we got married we never said we were going to definately have kids but after a while (5 years) i started to think about it and thought he wanted that too, turns out not!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2006): it is only natural to mourn the end of something that's been a major part of your life. it can take up to 2 years and/or sometimes never, to get over someone; there is no magic cure for erasing the past. you can and should learn from it-- just keep in mind that during the time it takes you to get over him or at least ease the pain and remember the good funny times; you should also focus on the new adventures that are around the corner. volunteer at a local children's hospital it's rewarding and a lot of fun and a great place to meet new friends, take a class at comm. college, take up a new hobby, learn a new sport, take a trip if possible! flirt like mad, change your hairstyle, update your closet, or raid your girlfriends/sisters. give in to your crying jags if you feel them coming on, but once it's over, keep up with the new you and move on, call a friend go to a movie, dinner, gym. you can do this...good luck!
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A
female
reader, pica +, writes (18 November 2006):
You're doing the right things, keep doing them. I think he'll be on your mind a bit longer but that is normal; you can't just cut out the memories. I don't think you should feel any obligation to do anything at Christmas - hiding away needn't be negative, it could give you some quiet time to reflect on the past and make plans for the future. Read books, take walks. Make some new year resolutions for work, money, love. We learn from all experiences, good and bad, and it's that fact that makes them all valuable, however painful. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, eddie +, writes (18 November 2006):
You have to totally accept the fact, it's over. I agree, the salsa class is great. (my wife is latin american, I need some lessons too :) ) Anyway, they say it takes a complete year of holidays, special events, birthdays etc to move on. You didn'y say why you broke up. Was it his choice or yours? Not wanting kids is a major issue. Was this discussed before you married?
On the good side, at least you didn't have kids to bring into this. Assuming you're young enough, kids are still an option for you. IF you get out there and meet new people you willovercome your grief. TIme is the roadblock right now and you can't change that.
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