A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Hi Here is an update on my probsMy bf of a year split up with me three weeks ago Im finding this very hard as i loved him so much and he is the greatest man iv ever metThing is he is in the army and based on the opposit end of the country from his ex and kids He only gets to see his kids once a month beacuse of the army life and it breaks his heart as he loves them so so much. His ex started doing lil things like sending him cards and he told me they are going to give it another try He said that if they give it another go she will move close to him with the kids so he can see them more He also told me that he is doing this because he wantsto be a bigger part of his kids lives and is not in love with his ex He also told me he cant see them spending the rest of their lives together He has always been very very honest with me so i trust him I dont personally believe people should be together for their kids but its his decision and hes gotta do what he feels is rightIm heart broken tho He told me that he didnt wanna hurt me and that he really didnt wanna end our relationship but its the only way for him to see his kids and, rightly so, they are number 1 priorityAs neither of us wanted the relationship to end we are still friend and text, talk and see each other Im happy with this as he was such a big part of my life that i didnt wanna loose him totally I truely believe it is the right decision for us to remain good friendsHe was my first bf (im 24) I was never into guys when i was younger and didnt even want marrage or kids but after being with him and feeling what i felt with him i want all that. The problem is at the moment im not fully over him and think he is the greatest guy in the world and still want that stuff with himEven if that was to never happen i still want it but cant ever see me having it with someone else I feel real down about this at the mo and would appreciate any help
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female
reader, flower girl +, writes (9 July 2007):
 Babe we can not tell you anything different from the last time you posted, you don't want to give up the contact with him yet it would be the only thing that would truly help you to move on from him.
I understand that you love him but don't you think that it is just going to hurt you even more having that contact, when you know you can't have him with you?
Many of us have been through situations like this and believe we know from experience that the only way through is to move on with your life, it will take time but you will get over him.
Take care.xx.
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (9 July 2007):
 You're heartbroken and that's only so natural. You have the feelings we all have when we need to give up on a love. Maybe this is harder because obviously you do love him and you are a great person, one who'd be willing to step aside if so things demand.
The bad news is, you'll have to accept reality and move on. Each person has its own way of coping with pain. You prefer to remain his friend, and that's your choice. Some people prefer not to have any contact. I think you should have the option here; if his texting and calling you cause you pain, well, you should be the one with the "power" to stop it.
Maybe he will eventually feel like coming back to you. If he does, tell him that this time he needs to stay with you. Frankly, I don't believe people when they say they go back to an ex "for the kids". My reason is, when you don't get along at all with an ex, you never go back. I believe this man even less, since he sees his kids very rarely anyways. But, if he left you once for your kids, if he should return, he won't have any "authority" to say he'll leave you again for the same reason.
He will continue to be a part of your life, with the texts and the calls. Well, let him be it; but don't let him be the major part of your life. That will take you nowhere, dear. The bare fact is, now you're on your own; and you need to make the decisions that are best for you. Isn't that what he did?
You have a hard time ahead. You sound very mature, and I'm sure you'll get through it.
We're here if you need help.
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