A
male
age
41-50,
*ill country sadness
writes:Dear Cupid, Please help me! It all starts five years ago, when I met my newly exgirlfriend. We met at a friends house at a party. I was coming off of a long three year relationship that ended hard on me. I know I think I get too atached. Anyhoo, I was very distant, not wanting anything serious. We dated for a while, and over a few months she showed herself to be everything I wanted. I was living at my parents house at the time, while working on building a house out in the country a few towns away. Her parents also lived not far from mine and they too were building a house somewhere near to where I was. I come from a close below average family. My family was helping support me while I put everything into a small 2 bedroom three bath country home on eleven acres. My girlfiend helped me do everything. I was just starting the work when we met. While her own family was building their new home we never saw them. I had met them a few times, but I didnt like the way they treated her.( She was a little over weight, and I think it realy bothered them. I would later find out why.) Life was going pretty good for me. I had a girlfriend I loved, she had just moved in with my family, because she was alone so often. We were very close. She would even go check on my cancer sicken grandpa everyday. I didnt know this for weeks, but after I found out it was over for me. I had finally met the one I was meant to be with. (My grandpa raised me and lives in a apartment we built him behind my folks house.) Time goes on. I loved her very much. It didnt take her parents long to build their new house, mine was barely started. I got invited out to meet them and hang out being it was on the lake.( Their old house was nothing special) It was one hell of a house. Turn out they were multimillionares just coming into their money. This house had it all. With the brand new boat, jet skis, dock house, killer. All of a sudden they (her parents) wanted to see her all the time. They were done with their work on the house and semi retired. We would go out with them on the lake and I could soon see they werent happy with their fat daughter.(She wasnt fat, just a little over weight.) I on the other hand am a big guy. 6'1 280. I never realy felt comfortable around them unless totally drunk. I asked her parents if I could marry her one day while spending time with them. Dad was cool, Mom on the other hand began balling and went and hugged up on her daughter balling. I didnt realy like it because I hadnt done anything yet. We had talked about it, and at the time I think she was the one who suggested I ask them. It didnt take long before they sold their old house and all of a sudden rented her a new apartment. Mom was coming to stay sometimes three times a week with her. Mom also put her on the la weight loss and it didnt take long to see a change in my girlfriend. She lost a good deal of weight, and began wanting to party all the time. She wanted to be doing something all the time. We would go to the lake and she would wander off talking to all the locals as I stayed behind. Eventully my house began getting close, and she also told me she would have to move a couple of hours away to finish school. After five years of being together she changed her degree like seven times. We did the long distance thing, but honestly I was too jealous. I would go visit this college town and party seeing how happy she was, while I was so sad missing her. I blew up one night and drove down there to talk to her while we were fighting. I knocked on the door, waited and she never answed five min topps. While I went to the truck to leave I was greated by the cops she called. That was it the end, I couldnt believe what she could do to me. I made mistakes I know and my insecurities ate me alive. We have been split up now for six months, and I know she has someone new.I finaly moved into my new home, but it is so hard being here after all the times we had here. I was building a home for our future that is now just mine. I cant quit thinking about her knowing how happy she is and how sad I am. It is so hard to meet girls in this little town, and the ones I have met I dont like. I havent made any quality friends here either. I miss her... or the life with someone... I am so lonely I could cry! I dont want to settle. I have been working out trying to get my confidence back. I fear that when I loose my grandpa I will be completly lost. I have to get over her and this, because I know its only going to get worse. I dont know what I need. Any advice? PLEASE!!!!!!!
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confidence, drunk, jealous, long distance, money, moved in, split up Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2008): Dear Poster
Vow, what a sad story, BUT you have a lot to be grateful about; although it is hurting you now, imagine if you were married to her and had kids and it happened then; NO, no matter how much it is hurting be glad it happened now before you got married. From what I read in your posting I do believe the parents played a major roll in her "changing", but then again imagine how difficult life could be with her if the parents were forever interfering and trying to change her.
You are still young and have a nice house now, a good career and seem like a very nice person; I suggest you try and spend time with your grandfather as much as possible and a get out and find ways to meet new people. Be patient, the right person is out there; that will love you and respect you; be strong and don't allow this to influence your self confidence or self esteem; you have done nothing wrong other then probably caring and giving to much.
It is never easy to move on when you had deep feelings for a person but it does get better because we learn how to cope with the pain and if you can find it in your heart try to forgive her; by forgiving her you are setting her free and you create space within yourself to make room for new beginnings.
Take it step by step; one day at a time; when you think about her; change your thoughts; make an concerted effort to then think of something else; we can train our thoughts and when you make peace with what happened you will find your thoughts do change.
Get your garden going; start a veggie garden, you have a large property; maybe even animal or two; a new hobby or interest; there are lots of things I am sure that you still want to do on the property; start doing it; not for anybody else but for yourself. It is an invest in your future and a place where in time to come you will raise your children.
I hope this is of assistance.
Best wishes and lots of SMILES.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2008): It sounds like once she had gained some confidence and lost weight then she wanted to go out and have fun...but she wasn't thinking about your feelings...I think that you really need to forget about this girl.. I know that it will be hard..but I hope that you will be better..just focus on your goals and where you want to be in life. I know that it sounds totally impossible right now but in time you will heal.
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