A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Alright... Here goes...This guy and I met in our final year of undergrad (two years ago). At the time, I was seeing someone else and I didn't even think twice about him. Last year (last Christmas) my boyfriend and I broke up and I began talking to "this guy" more and more - always via text message though. I started getting the impression that he might have feelings for me - he got upset when I said compared him to my best friend and said that he was my "best guy friend."We talked about it, and he said he liked me and I thought about a bit, and decided that I probably liked him back. This guy, however, lives about 6 hours away in a different city for school. Anyway, we decided that we'd just wait until the summer time when he'd be back to see what this thing between us was and where it could go. Summer (2012) came and he didn't move back to the city where I live, and it never worked when we planned to get together... My ex boyfriend (the same one that I broke up with last Christmas) came back though... And we started talking again and he said he wanted to try again. So, I gave into the history and got back together with my ex. I told "this guy" that I got back with my ex boyfriend. He was kin of annoyed, I think, and we didn't speak for a couple months. By chance, several months ago, we started texting again. I'd broken up with my boyfriend again and it was so easy to get addicted to talking to "this guy" again through text. And again, the issue of us liking each other came up again... We decided that we'd talk about it face to face when he came back for Christmas. We planned to have coffee, but I couldn't make it. He got really annoyed and said some pretty rude things to me via text message when I cancelled. We planned to meet the very next day, and when we did... It was so awkward and tense. He apologized for what he said but it just didn't feel right on my part anymore. We sat in that coffee shop for a few hours and barely had anything to say. He suggested that we go out on a "real date" to see what happens... We did last night. It was, honestly, the worst date I've ever been on. We had nothing to talk about...again. I tried to have a serious face-to-face conversation with him about how we could start something long-distance...he actually had nothing to contribute to the conversation at all and said he'd just "go with it." Awkwardness of the date aside, I couldn't believe he'd say that... That it'd be a long-distance relationship (if it got that far) matters! To make it worse, my ex boyfriend is in town again... And I saw him a couple days ago and we decided to go for coffee today (the day after my awful date). When we broke up this past summer, things didn't end well and I feel like I need the closure...Should I tell "this guy" about meeting my ex? How should I tell "this guy" how I'm feeling? I feel like our relationship only exists through text messaging... We don't seem to click at all in person. Is something that happens - attraction through text messaging but no chemistry in real life?
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male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (30 December 2012):
I'm sure it's pretty common to have a good text relationship but nothing happens in person, I think I've experienced it myself. Texting is a controlled environment. I wouldn't bother telling him about your ex, what's the point? The real issue is that you don't click in person and so what's the point of having a long distance relationship if you don't like being there in person? Because isn't that the goal in the end? Be blunt with him, there's no reason to fear the truth. Don't blame him, just say you don't feel like there's any chemistry in person so you don't think it makes sense trying a long distance relationship since those are so hard to begin with. An alternative would be that you'd like to "see where things go" without committing to anything in particular. Maybe you'll find your answer by taking things very slow with him.
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