A
female
age
41-50,
*uttercup76
writes:If a man is 39 years old and has his own house that he gets behind on payments with and the only thing he does is sit and play video games and watches movies when he's not at work or at his mom's house where she cooks for him and does his laundry. And he has been alone for about 5 years, and in the past he had been involved in some drug use and lots of drinking, bit now he isn't on drugs and doesn't drink as much but still feel the need to drink at least a few times a week never gets drunk though. He gets behind on his bills and depends on his family to bail him out and borrows money for gas and cigarettes, even though he has a decent job and makes enough money to cover his bills, not sure where all his money goes. And now he has a girlfriend, who he has know since high school, and they have been together since September and she seems happy with him most of the time but she seems unsure about the future with him, because he seems to base his happiness solely on her, she has other things in her life that contribute to her happiness like her family and her work and her children, he tells her that he thinks that it's flattering if she would tell him that he is her only reason to be happy, but she feels like that is a lie and doesn't want to tell him that and when she doesn't he seems so disappointed and defeated and he wants her to guarantee that she will always stay with him and never will stop loving him, she told him that their is no guarantee in life and that sometimes things and feelings change, he talks about wanting to marry her, she knows that he can afford to support her but she can so that on her own, she doesn't need him but enjoy'a his company he makes he feel good and laugh but she often wonders if maybe the reason he is so drawn to her is because he needs her, she feels very uncomfortable at his home too because it hasn't been kept up very well and she has children and is sometimes afraid they will get into something and get hurt because some if the rooms are unfinished and will be until spring when this charity group comes back to fix them, and he neve keeps food in the house either and when you have kids we all know you have to have food or at least snacks, she makes sure she feeds them before she goes there. I guess the question is what kind of guy do you honestly think this is and so you think his feelings are true, should she try this relationship with him just to maybe get hurt, because I think he has some kind of problem, I mean after all I myself dated someone kind if like that and it didn't work because he was just too needy for me, but I don't want to give advice to someone because I'm not good at relationships at all, just need some honest opinions.
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at work, drugs, drunk, has a girlfriend, money, video games Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (31 December 2012):
 while his feelings may be true his grasp of maturity sucks.
he's no prize that's for sure
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (30 December 2012):
 You write: "...but I don't want to give advice to someone because I'm not good at relationships at all, just need some honest opinions..."
Soooo, tell her that this guy is a jerk and isn't worth her time or attention...
Tell her "Good luck" for me....
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (30 December 2012):
 Don't think about what he needs. As a woman I know we just melt whenever a guy wants to marry us. Will your needs be satisfied by him? You will have double income, you will make sure there's food. Laundry will be done and the house will be clean. You are the reason he doesn't have to go back to mommy.
When you date and when you live together it's a totally different story. You will calculate how much money goes into where. He has unhealthy habits. For me, this question is easy because I will never date a drinker and smoker. Would you happily expose your kids to second hand smoke? Is he okay with going outside every time he smokes? Will you be doing more work now that you have an extra person to take care of? Is it a good bargain for you to do the extra work in exchange for good company?
You haven't mentioned once what he did that makes you feel special. Friends can be good company. Roommates share household income. Your guy is drawn to you because he feels empty and needs a woman to escape that emptiness. He had cigarettes, alcohol, video games. Still not enough. Hopes that a woman is the solution to this emptiness. If you want to live with him you have to prepare that you are his care taker in many ways. Domestically and emotionally.
Oh I can't stand alcohol and cigarette breath. He better brushes every single time after he smokes or drinks. He has to go to the dentist every year. He has to do housework 50% of the time. That does sound like changing his whole being doesn't it? Is he ready to be the kids' father or do you leave him out of this responsibility? When your kids want to go to the festival will he be enthusiastic, or does he rather stay home, drink and play video games?
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (30 December 2012):
Paragraphs might have helped that be more readable.
To answer your question, he sounds like a loser. Not exactly the type you want to spend your life with unless you like stressing about your marriage.
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