A
male
age
30-35,
*uitarguy1989
writes:Hi, I'm 25 and male. Last November an amazing beautiful 22 year old girl started working in the same place as me. She got out of a 4 year relationship about a month ago and I've been taking her out as a friend trying to keep her happy and in the process I've started to really like her. The first time we went out we were only gonna spend a little time together but ended up spending the entire day up until around midnight for a totalOf about 12 hours when we'd never met outside work together. I have told her I like her and she responded saying she wasn't looking for a relationship right now just people around her who make her happy. I kinda knew this already and let her know that even though I like her I am still friends with her. I understand this mat very be a "friend zone" situation. But I'm just wondering if I should pursue this any further after a bit of time. We get on really well when we spend time together and both able to make the other smile and laugh. Maybe I'm reading too much into things? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, RubyBirtle +, writes (17 August 2014):
The other aunties are completely right - now is not the time to try and start dating this girl.
She needs time to heal and move on and she's aware of this. She is using family and friends to support her through this time. And you're one of them
I think you should take a step back for a while, if you're developing feelings for her. Don't think that spending loads of time with her, making an effort to keep her cheerful and listening to all her problems will show her what great boyfriend you'd make - it usually just ends up with the guy being friend-zoned (and sometimes heart-broken if he developed feelings her). I'm not saying that you shouldn't do any of these things ever - just once in a while. Leave the intensive support for her family and female friends
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2014): No, you shouldn't pursue this right now.
You should respect the fact she said she is not ready for a relationship right now. She has set a boundary. She is also a co-worker, and a she is also setting professional-border that you should observe and respect.
Don't get it in your head you're going to slide ride in under her vulnerability; because she just broke-up with someone. If you're that kind of guy, I hope she runs for the hills. Maybe her defenses are down, maybe she is full of scorn; and she could tear your balls off. Stay a safe distance, and be a good friend. Learn more about her.
Her breakup is only a month-old; and you have no idea what she has just gone through. She is only 22, and this is very young; and at a very fragile stage in her life. Even for a man in the same situation and age-group. Maybe you want to be her white knight. Not so soon! Her ex is only a month away, and you know nothing about him; or how she feels about him at this point.
You're reading too much if you think she wants you.
She spent time with you, because she needed some company.
All she needs is some male co-worker sniffing around, when she's sorting out her feelings and trying to heal. STOP RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE!!!
At best, you will attach your feelings to someone on the rebound. Her feelings may change, and then she'll have to breakup with yet another man in her life. Then starts that dreadful process all over again.
Control yourself. This is not an opportunity. Keep the tent down in your pants! Vulnerable women are not easy victims, and if you're a real man you'll stay where she has nicely asked you to. That is called respect.
For crying out loud!!! Can people just be nice these days without having ulterior-motives, or being romantically attracted to people???!!!
Can anyone accept the fact that when people have recently broken-up, they need recovery time? Feelings are raw, even if that may not be apparent on the surface. You will not understand the turmoil going on underneath; and you have needs that may not be easily met by someone who has been damaged or going through grief.
She is under reconstruction, so all her circuits and wiring are not performing as normally required.
SHE NEEDS A FRIEND!!! SHE JUST WANTS TO BE HAPPY!!! SHE DOESN'T NEED A RELATIONSHIP RIGHT NOW!!! SHE NEEDS THE TIME AND SPACE TO HEAL AND RECOVER FROM MEN!!!
She's being sweet, because that may be her true personality. She's being extra nice; because she's new on the job, in a new environment, concerned about first impressions, and she doesn't need enemies. She is making big big changes. Ending a relationship and starting a new job!
She wants to be liked and welcomed into her new place of employment. You are her welcoming committee; or are you just a wolf in sheep's clothing? She may be no angel, nor a china doll; but she did set boundaries.
If in time, she may start to show attraction in another direction; and lift her ban on relationships. You're eligible for consideration. I think if you're really a decent guy, you will be a friend. Stay professional, respectful, and not try any sneaky stuff.
I may be a little over-protective of women. I grew up in a household with strong people of both genders. I was taught from a boy to respect people in a weakened state, and not to take advantage of situations; especially when it comes to women. Not because they are so fragile; because that is what real men do.
AUNTS JUMP IN HERE, LADIES TELL IT LIKE IT IS!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2014): The fact that you can make her happy is a good sign for the potential of something in the future, however now is not the time to move anything forward with her, no matter how much you like her. If you insist yourself too hard, you may even stop making her happy, and drive her away. This is the situation you are in. She is hurting. People need TIME to heal from 4 year long relationships. You need to respect that.
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