A
female
age
30-35,
*1celle
writes: Ok, So here it is, I have this friend and I think we are FWB (but no actual sex has happened, yet, just fooling around) And apparently like most girls in this sort of thing I have fallen for him...hard. I like his family, he likes and spends a lot of time with mine, we have really good chemistry, and people ask if we are together all the time. Problem, also apparently like most girls, he wont date. and it isn't just me, he says that he wont date anyone for some reason, of which he will not share with me. And I dont know the only friend he told well enough to pry although 1 like hed tell me anyway even if I did and 2 I dont thing I could let myself do that. My only possible guess is that 1 he Is leaving for collage at the end of this summer (but thats not something you would hide as a reason for not dating), or 2, I am not the only one currently doing this with him. No, I do not know this for a fact, but it has been highly implied by him that there have been other people and in the group we are in together there is this girl that the question is who in that group she hasn't practically or full out slept with. We have not been doing this for very long...or I should say haven't don't it a lot because he is busy all most all the time. So I believe that for the past 6 mounths its happened....less than 10 times. We, however, have known each other for a long time and have been good friends for over 2 and a half years. I am at this point unsure of what to do because my best friend will not give me a strait answer...actually none of my friends will, and id rip my good arm off before telling my mother any of this... Also, he has not in any way said that he did not have feelings for me and has implied a few times that he does so... any advice? Or am I just letting myself be used?
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female
reader, Anastasia  +, writes (9 June 2012):
 Morning,
You only have one good arm?? Just kidding...smile.
I don't think you are letting yourself be used. You're a good friend and you guys have been friends for while. This isn't a new situation by any stretch of the imagination.
All your reasons as to why you think he is doing is are quite good but the only way you are going to know is if you ask him straight out and on a serious level. After 2 and a 1/2 years of friendship, I think you are allowed a serious conversation or two. Your feelings for him are important to you and trust me...uncertainty will keep you up all night and run your ragged thinking all day. You need to definitely be straight up and ask him. If he insists that he doesn't want to tell you or can't tell you, then I'm afraid it's either some deep painful secret or perhaps he has an illness and is ashamed..who knows. He is the only person that can tell you. And I am very happy that you are not the sneaking type to go behind his back and dig and find out....that is the ultimate respectable and dignified way to be. It speaks alot to trust.
In the end though, if you still cannot find out, it's just something you need to accept. At that time, perhaps you just need to take some time and space apart to deal with your feelings. He is going away to college you mentioned. Everything happens for a reason I believe, but I also believe...in no regrets. So tell him now you feel about him, ask him how he feels about you before he goes and invite him to share with you how he feels as well. You need to sort this out before he goes to college. You don't want hope hanging over your head and you miss out on life for someone who you aren't sure what they want....while they could be living it up in college.
Guard your heart. Hope things go well
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