A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:For almost a year my girlfriend would tempt me about having sex. She would get me aroused let me touch her in "various" areas of her body. She would tell me she wanted me and of course i would be really drawn into her temptations statements of having sex. she would ask me what I would do to her and what she wanted me to do to her..you know sexual stuff.So of course I would be really excited because she said after graduation "in time" she would want to make love to me. But just a couple days ago she said she wanted to stay a Virgin.I'm not upset of her decision. I mean she has every right to refuse but my question is what are ways to control my body and it's urges. I mean a year of stimulation and physical intimacy I became drawn and frankly eager but now since she wants to stay a virgin how to I calm myself downI don't wanna be horny and stuff I mean yea lately our physical intimacy has Slown down drastically and I don't want to force her to do anything. I just want to know how to deal with this "build up" in a non-relationship threatening way. Thank you.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2012): I think it's important to first note that she didn't "just" change her mind; she didn't wake up one morning, flip a coin, and then decide that she wanted to remain a virgin. There's some kind of reason behind it (not to judge her choice as either good or bad, but that there definitely was something behind it). Particularly considering that she initially said it was something she wanted to do at some vague point in the future; statements like this (to my knowledge) are a fairly clear indicator that something about it makes her uncomfortable. She gave a time frame that was indefinite, and, I'm assuming, quite a ways off when she initially said it. So yeah, this all adds up (to me) that she's uncomfortable with losing her virginity, and has been for a while. As to what, specifically, is going on, I'm frankly not sure. I'd imagine it's a fairly big deal for a lot of women to lose their virginity, and there can be a lot of anxiety associated with it. Perhaps it's based on some kind of religious objection, or other deep seated issues with sexuality. I'm really not sure; your best bet would probably be to just talk to her, and ask her why (remembering to do it in a considerate, non-judgmental / accusatory way). I don't really have enough information to be comfortable saying much about your relationship itself. Relationship issues would certainly fuel this kind of thing. I am getting a mild sense that she may be pulling away from you a bit, but I could easily be wrong on that. You'll have to be the judge there.And yeah, I'd agree with what person12345 said. I don't think it's a particularly viable solution to just try to kill your sex drive, so your best bet is to find ways to express it that you and your partner would be comfortable with. If you can't find ways, and find that you're fairly frustrated sexually, you may want to consider moving on, unfortunately.Best of luck.
A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (10 June 2012):
 It's crazy how women can sometimes want sex and then change their minds. Or how women can really want to have sex, but then make the conscious decision not to have sex. Actually, wait. It isn't. Which is more likely, that she's a sadist who gains pleasure from something she barely even knows is happening, or that she simply changed her mind?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2012): This is not about a girl wanting to stay a virgin. This is about a girl tormenting her BF with the offer of sex and then retracting it when the time comes.
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (9 June 2012):
 Leave that relationship. She now has full control of it and it will be disastrous for u. Stop being nice man seriously. If u want sex n she doesnt end the relationship n pursue ur needs. Take care of business n stop being so soft!
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (9 June 2012):
Oh give me a break. Women don't go around trying to excite men so they can laugh at them about it. Your girlfriend probably is simply feeling excited herself and behaves as such, but has made a decision to remain a virgin and can't act on those feelings. That's all.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2012): With great power comes great responsibility. She has sexual power over you, and she is being irresponsible with it. She gets an ego boost while you suffer.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2012): She is what is crudely known as a "prick-teaser" and will never change. She loves the idea of control over you and leads you on to great effect, then cries off.
Look for the door and go through it, to find someone more co-operative; with this one you are always going to be frustrated.
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (9 June 2012):
Seems strange to me she would suddenly say that. You should turn the tables on her and do what she did to you. Even make her jealous or something.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (9 June 2012):
Masturbate, use your hands on each other, oral sex if she's OK with it, dry sex, there are many ways to touch and be sexual without penetrative sex. I don't think you can really take that kind of touching she did to be a promise for sex. It's sexual in nature, but not necessarily a promise of future action.
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