A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ive been seeing a guy for 4 months and we have not had sex yet although we have come close to it. We are very shy when we see each other, which is everyday as we do a course together but in different classes. We have a hard time opening up to each other and so have not really told each other how we feel. He comes to see me sometimes and even apologised to my friend beacause i asked him, he tells me things about his family background etc. But we only talk properly when alcohol is involved. I have a feeling that he is interested but im not sure how much and if i should take that leap of faith can anybody help me
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2013): OP 4 months and you only can talk with alcohol? So what's the plan here be drunk all the time? Have a relationship based on drink then just coldness the rest of the time? I've seen that it doesn't work.
OP nothing is going to happen unless you take the plunge and talk about this while sober. If he can't to you about things that matter while sober then you're wasting your time because that will not change.
So just meet up with him for coffee and talk to him about all this.
A
male
reader, NJDakota  +, writes (28 April 2013):
They say that drunken words are sober thoughts. I have also heard alcohol called truth serum before as well. With that being said.. you can't pour vodka on a pumpkin and have it spew insults. When anyone drinks there is a neurological and psychological change, the mind regresses and the higher the blood alcohol level, the more primitive and hostile the response (hence the alcohol made me do it sex with a random stranger stories). Alcohol can't make you think or feel things that are not true. I am sure you have heard it in countless health and wellness courses in grade and high school that booze lowers inhibitions. If we walked around all day without any inhibitions the world would be a very scary place. Where I think you both need to work is to discover what thoughts influence the deed. Obviously you two have these feelings deep down inside and I can only assume the due to restraint, shyness, or issues communicating you two have managed to keep it from influencing you in everyday life.
You see it all the time where people who drink say they have to watch what they say when they are drunk, but that's a enigma because by lowering inhibitions because alcohol frees the tongue to say what is in the heart or true to that person.
All in all I think you two need to work past the shyness and work on getting a solidified relationship before you hop in the sack. And by solidified relationship (I am not saying wait until you are married etc by no means) I mean actually being able to communicate and connect without the assistance of Jack Daniels and Captain Morgan I don't really think that this is a leap of faith but a blind base jump with no parachute if you act otherwise. Its only been a few weeks in the grand scheme of things, see in the next few weeks if you can venture out of your comfort zone, the feelings are there for both of you I think you two just have not found the means to express them properly. I fear if you act others wise when you wake up the next morning not only will you reek of booze but of regret and there is no turning back after that.
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