A
male
age
41-50,
*heyoungone
writes:Hi all. This is my first question so bear with me.I'm in a relationship with my fiance and have been for 4 1/2 years. We have a 2 year old child together and a mortgage and share pretty much everything. I Love her and she loves me. I couldn't imagine life without her. But recently things haven't been the same.No matter what I try, No matter how much effort I put into the relationship, she always falls asleep when it comes to sex. We only have sex about 3 times a month. I have a very high sex drive and she says she struggles to keep up but 3 times a month is just ridiculous, isn't it? Whenever I try and talk it through she tells me I'm making it too serious and stressing her out. But I can't carry on like this. It upsets me to see her fall asleep on me. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I've tried setting the mood with candles and incense and offered her a full body massage....she fell asleep. I've tried putting an adult movie on and cuddling up together....she fell asleep.I've tried surprising her and being spontaneous....she says she's not in the mood.I understand having a child makes things different but It really is getting to me.....is it going to be like this forever? Does having a kid end your sex life completely? If it is then I'm not sure I'm going to be 100% happy!!???Any advice welcome.
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male
reader, bharat mehta  +, writes (4 January 2010):
 I advice you to consult doctor for her physical check up. She may be feeling physical weakness due to lack of some vitamin. Doctors can help great in such a matter. Sex has great power, so great that it can give life to death. Sex is regarded as all life giver. When it do not work, then problem is problem of physical weakness. It will work. sure.
A
male
reader, Libra +, writes (3 January 2010):
Now then young man - Life changes when kids come along. I remember when my first son was born, and mum gets most of the work and stress. Sorry but that is a fact of life. You don't say how old your child is, or if you are both working.
I was fortunate in that my wife did not work during early motherhood. She had a part time job when children's schooling commenced.
She is probably really frazzed out and sex is the last thing on her mind. The child belongs to BOTH of you, and maybe there needs to be a re-organisation of labour, so that you both have some quality time together.
In that quality time don't think of sex, sex and more sex. Motherhood is the most onerous task about and is highly undervalued. Instead appreciate her, cuddle her and relax - both of you. Over time cock and pussy will return. Don't forget pussy needs to rest and recover after child birth, and contrary to all the books it does not all get back super and tight in under 3 months. It takes a lot longer, and may never be the same again. It depends how difficult the birth was. Find out how she really feels about sex (if you can), as women can have a lack of confidence as well as us men.
In the mean time pamper her, help her, get a baby sitter , go out, and finally, find a hobby/activity that diverts you from sex.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (3 January 2010):
I think you do need to talk to her about it. Well done for trying to be more romantic and spontaneous. Don't give that up. A kid doesn't end your sex life, but it could be that she's very tired, or she's worried about her body or anything like that. If she's falling asleep on you, then maybe she's exhausted. Ask her about it.
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A
male
reader, Faraday +, writes (3 January 2010):
 Her falling asleep is simply an avoidance stratagem. She does not want sex; she has what she wanted from you - children.You don't have many options, I'm afraid; many marriages turn into this.I don't need to list your choices, you must have done so for yourself over and over again, and not one of them very satisfactory for you.Sorry.
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