A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Is this normal behaviour from a 54 year old man? He(R) lives across the road from me. 6 years ago when I moved in we got to know each other and I fell for him quickly and hard. When we tried to make love, he was unable to sustain his erection. Although I cuddled and kissed him afterwards, he was aloof and cold.Stupidly I blamed myself, felt suddenly unattractive and not good enough for him. I tried to put it behind me as he said he wasn't ready for a relationship as he was in the throes of divorce himself.I decided to try and salvage my relationship with my husband who then came back into our home (we were separated).R and I have barely spoken since and it's 6 years now. Initially I sent the odd xmas card to him and his sons. He turns his back on me and when I'm outside, he'll go back inside. Yesterday we had a leaking gas situation...our pipes connect.We had all moved our cars except him, and while we all waited on the driveway he eventually came out looking furious, almost tripped himself up so he didn't have to look at me, and virtually ran back inside. Now when I'm not out there he chats to all and sundry, but when I go out, he's gone! Part of me finds it hysterical (like yesterday), but the other part feels utterly heartbroken and confused why he hates me so much even after 6 years! We're adults, but we behave like children. I can understand if I did something to hurt him, but I've never dragged his name through the mud, and I've not tried to make contact or be a pest in any way. He said to go back to my husband and I have, so I've done everything he wanted, so why after 6 years can he not even look me in the eye, or even say hello. He'll completely blank me. He said he had no feelings, so he wasn't hurt in all of this. So what is his problem and how can I make it better? I know it shouldn't bother me, but deep down I still have a lot of feelings for him which luckily he doesn't know, and it hurts me terribly.
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female
reader, Rainbows  +, writes (6 November 2007):
 i feel he is just hurt becoz his male ego was hurt. I dont suppose its easy for any man to face a woman after he fails during sex. he is avoiding u becoz he can't face u not becoz he is angry or doesn't want to talk to u. maybe, he also feels the same for u like u for him, but since he couldn't satisfy u, and he knows he can't have u back as u r back with ur husband so obviously he is too upset about all this situation and running away from u and all this mess. But i also feel its best u avoid him too, as if u try to get closer to him, he wont b able to sustain the imaginary wall tht he is using as a shield against u. Good Luck!
A
female
reader, CantHelpFallin  +, writes (6 November 2007):
Oh my gosh I am going through just about the EXACT same thing with MY neighbor!! He's 8 years older than me, and we had our "fling." He said he'd always be there for me, but he let some girl get between our friendship. Now it's like finding a girlfriend and getting laid is more important than friends. He's very distant and never makes contact at all with me. He goes inside when I come outside, he won't even look at me. I was also very heartbroken to go through this. But I've come to realize it's best just to move on. Let him come to you if he wants to mend things. If not, he's not worth the worry and frustration. If he can't even respect you as a friend, why waste time trying to be his friend when he won't even let you do that? I personally have just cut off all connections with him. If he wants to talk, I'll speak, but other than that, I'm keeping to myself. When he needs a friend, I won't be there like I used to be. Sounds harsh, but sometimes tough love can break through their thick skulls just how wonderful of a friend you've been, and how undeserving he is of you. You're worth more than that; don't let one person disappoint you and get you down, as bad as it hurts. It's his loss of a great friend, but just don't fall for his sweet talk if he ever tries it again like what happened with me. Hope maybe this may help?
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A
female
reader, confused in WVa +, writes (6 November 2007):
 He may feel that it is wrong to have any contact with you because you have gone back to your husband. You are married, and he most likely does not want to get in the middle of your marriage. He may feel uncomfortable about talking to you now. Maybe you should leave him alone. It isn't right to have a friendship with a man you have been intimate with when your married. Let it go. If you don't, it may cost you your marriage in the long run.
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