A
female
age
36-40,
*oochie25
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half now and we have been living together for the past 5 months. Since we began living together, he has started to get very upset when I wear strappy tops or anything that shows any sin around my neck area or clevage (even tops that show no clevage annoy him...he says people will see my breast when I bend over!). He is adamant my bra is too big because when I move around the bra comes away from me slightly, I know my size, I have been measured! The issue has grown and we now argue about this same issue at least three times a week! I have tried sitting and talking to him calmly and understanding why it makes him angry but I feel that I dress very respectfully and don't really understand why he gets so aggressive! He has never hurt me or anything but he does hit the table or throw things in anger when we argue about it. I refuse to change the way I dress or anything I do because I don't think I am doing anything wrong, I love him to bits and think he needs a little more trust. He doesn't think his feelings will ever change and often says he should leave because he is bringing me down by acting this way.It is so frustrating! Apart from this one issue, our relationship is perfect...we are great together!!!I have tried getting friends to talk to him but he gets really upset when he finds out I have told people about it. I have suggested counselling and he won't do it. His ex wife cheated on him with a few of his friends, so I understand where the insecurity comes from and the lack of trust but I don't want his bad and controlling attitude to affect us...which it is starting to do. He needs to learn to trust me before it's too late.How can we fix this? Please Help!!!
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bra , breasts, ex-wife, his ex Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2009): I think he's being a dork.
A
female
reader, Hoochie25 +, writes (7 May 2009):
Hoochie25 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks very much guys, I knew all this but it helps to get a few different perspectives on it. I am standing my ground and if he wants to be stupid and walk away then that is his decision.
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A
female
reader, louise100 +, writes (6 May 2009):
I think that he is a bit of a control freak. If he cant handle this without getting so upset that he throws things around then there is something wrong with him.
Tell him that you are an adult and will dress how you like and if he does not like it then tough. He will try to control this, then there will be something else, and something else......
Yes it may be due to the fact that his ex was unfaithful...perhaps his controlling ways drove her to be unfaithful...there are always 2 sides to every story.
Put your foot down firmly and see what happens - he may give in - he may not but if he doesn't reconsider your relationship
Hope this helps
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2009): Try reassuring him that when you wear tops that are tight or low cut you are wearing them for him and not any other man because you love him andhim alone.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2009): I sense that he wants to control you. He wants to make his mark by dictating to you what you can and cannot wear, and I wonder what would be next on his agenda after you've switched to neck-high sweaters that hang loosely so that your boobs don't show through. Maybe he'll try to restrict who you should be friends with or who you can and cannot talk to?
I think the only way is to stand your ground, tell him that you're an adult and you'll damn well wear what you want to wear and feel comfortable in. It's not his choice - it's yours, and if he doesn't like it or can't accept it, then maybe he should reconsider your relationship and look for someone who he can totally control. He needs to know that whoever that woman is, it isn't you. It's no good pussyfooting around trying to find a pleasant way to tell him all this, so just tell him straight.
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