A
female
age
51-59,
*oreverlove1971
writes:I'm married and I have been married for 16 years now.I am trying to figure out what's the best thing to do.My husband comes to bed around 4 in the morning instead of spending time with me.I have told him time and time again to please come to bed.He will do it for the first 2 days then it is back to the same old routine.The only time we are intimate is when he wants to be and that is probably once or twice a month.I have told him before our marriage is boring and we need to spice is up and it is still the same results.We don't do anything exciting in our marriage or the bedroom and im bored.This has been going on for more than 5 years now and I've came to the point that I'm not happy in this marriage.He works a second job and why I don't know so the only day we have together is Sat..I have asked him to take at least a 3 day wekend for us to do something but that doesn't happen either.Also when we finally do go out somewhere I have to pay for the food,movies,gas, etc... and I get so tired of it.I know my husband loves me but I can't say I feel the same way.Please tell me what to do Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2008): Sounds like he has Another Family he is supporting. He knows you go to bed early and if he Desired any sexual relations with you; he would make himself available; been there before. In my case I was the other woman and the Man didn't really need to work Two Jobs, but did so; so that our Kids would have the same exact Advantages that his Kids with his Wife did. Investigate thoroughly!!!
A
female
reader, confusedinkent  +, writes (30 June 2008):
 Firstly you need to sit him down and try to take any distractions away. When you talk to him try not to sound patronising or like your nagging him. I learnt the hard way, nagging makes things worse!.
Ok once that is sorted, then tell him how you really feel, making sure that you highlight the possible outcome if things dont change. I'm not saying that hes to blame Im sure it may seem that way. the matter of the fact is that it has gone on this long without any improvement, so you are both to blame.
As long as you are honest and let him know exactly how you feel then thats the best you can do. Hes needs to know that if he doesnt take steps to improve your lifestyle then things will change dramatically!.
As for always having to pay for everything, how come he works 2 jobs and cant pay for any treats like that?. I would want to know where this extra money is going. I personally smell a rat! you say that you dont understand why he works to jobs so I assume that he doesnt "need" to work 2 jobs. I would look into that if I was you.
If everything starts to improve then try somthing fun, get some nice lingerie and walk around the house wearing it, do your housework and act like everything is normal!. he'll soon notice you then!!
Ok Hope I have helped.
xx
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A
male
reader, ChiRaven +, writes (30 June 2008):
 If you are losing your love for him, it's got to be starting to show. He's losing interest and you're losing love, and the two of you are heading for a major train wreck.
Get some professional help now. This marriage won't make 20 years if you aren't both willing to put in the effort to try to do some major surgery on it. This is not a "band-aid" situation. This is going to take some major fix-ups to get the two of you back on the right track. Your counselor will undoubtedly do a number of things for you, but the first will probably be to get the two of you talking openly and honestly about what's going on in your heads. It doesn't sound to me like there's a lot of that happening right now. Once that gets started, depending on the type of counselor you go to, there may be a number of different approaches. Some counselors I have known have put couples on a strict "sex diet", where they are required to have sex, but only at specific days and times. Others recommend (read "require") an extended get-away to work on specific issues. Still others have other techniques. But whatever your counselor recommends, DO IT. You will need to take bold steps to keep this marriage going. Professional counseling is the key, I'm afraid.
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