A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hi i feel a bit weird doing this- have never done anything like this on line b4... i would like some independant advice as obviously friends/ family have their own agendas. sorry this is abit long;i have been with my partner for nearly 4 years. we have a 5month old, and i have 3 kids from a previous r'ship. last night we argued and it was left that we are now splitting up. however this happens fairly regularly and i know we could both quite easily make up later and try and act like nothings happenned.but it has got to the point now where i feel like things must change- we either sort it out 4 good or seperate- the question is which?he has left me before about 2 years ago, for a few months- this occurred (i later found out) because he bumped into an old school friend and this made him realise he didnt want the life he had with me. he had a brief fling with her but within a month or so we were spending more time together and he asked to come back. i didnt want to at first- agreed we were not right 4 eachother etc., but eventually we decided to give it another go.things have been tense for a while now, he seems to be acting more resentful recently. yesterday during the argument he randomly said 'and youre trying to tell me you dont fancy any one else?' i didnt think to much about it at the time but lookin back, it was completely random to what we were discussin- is he trying to tell me he fancies someone else? like before- a different life seems more appealing? we get on well most of the time although things are undeniably stagnant/ routine. to be honest all though we have both named this we have made little real effort to change it. he rarely tells me how he feels.whats going on here? what is he thinking? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2008): thankyou, yes we've (finally!) had a good talk, and have decided we do definately want to stay together. turns out he has been getting peed off about my r'ship with a guy i work with, i had no idea. and also he has been having problems with his job too...... and what with fairly low income, kids etc etc.
took your advice about babysiiting/ going out- we chatted to our families about how we were feeling a bit distant and need to spend a bit of time alone together, the support has been really surprising.
so yeah, all in all a fairly typical situation i guess of family pressures and no communication- cant believe we were just not talking and considering seperating. hes a great guy and weve been through so much together... awwwww! s'pose we just both needed a kick up the arse!
yes we're both 25 so we definately do need fun! but we realise we still love eachother very much and dont want to throw away 4yrs r'ship and an even longer friendship. its going to be hard at times but we're going 2 stick together, looking 4ward to the evenings out! thank you so much for the support xxx
A
female
reader, lexilou +, writes (2 May 2008):
 Its normal to suddenly take stock of your life and not like what you see. If he is your age group then it is very young to be settled down for both of you with 4 children and maybe he's a little bit scared of the responsibility he has for 5 other people. You need to make sure you have time for each other get a babysitter and start dating again. I understand its hard with four kids, we have three and regularly send the youngest to one grandma and the other 2 to nanna to ease the load! Put the spark back and make your time together more exciting - its easy not to make the effort when you have kids and mess all day long but sometimes you have to put each other first. If you work hard enough you will be able to get back on track if thats what you really want. Good luck x
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