A
female
age
51-59,
*lueskize1
writes:Will he cheat?I just moved in with another couple only a week ago and I already feel uncomfortable. We are all in our late thirties to forties except one and she is 27, that's not an issue. The issue is I think she is flirting with my boyfriend I am not sure and I am going crazy I have been crying a lot over this. I asked him to help me and she always comes in and has to lend him a hand. Twice this happened in front of me and if I say anything about this to my boyfriend he is going to get mad and say I am making things up. Am I making a big deal? I wouldn't even dare flirt with her guy. What do I do I don't trust her at all I do trust my Fiance but always had an issue with girls I have never trusted them. I am afraid to leave the house with them alone. Am I going crazy?
View related questions:
fiance, flirt, moved in Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2009): I trusted my husband - completely - never felt threatened by other women, even if there was some 'flirting', was used to him being around females as his profession is female dominated etc. I then discovered He'd cheated on me for months. I'd had these 'gut feelings' - but because I wanted to trust him so much I ignored them - accepted the explanations he gave me etc. So - whilst I somewhat agree with the male poster who cautioned you about being insecure, I don't think you should dismiss your gut feelings - take then seriously, just be careful what you do and say.I now trust my gut. I think back to the times I had that 'feeling' - and it was always right - I just often chose to ignore it!!If you feel there is something not right with this woman's behaviour around your man then you are probably spot on. Speak with your man about what you need him to do in order for you to be able to feel secure when this other girl is around - and ask him to help you find your own place as a priority!!!
A
female
reader, blueskize1 +, writes (10 February 2009):
blueskize1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the advice I needed it! All is well still having trouble but it's something I have to overcome. I talked to my fiance over this and he was insulted he said that I would ever question his dignity. He said he is not a cheater and I do believe him I just explained I didn't trust her and he said then you don't trust me. I said no I do, he agreed she is a bad girl type and doesn't agree with her life style. I just have to trust him and I have to stop following him out into the kitchen when she is in there I feel like I am on watch duty, I pretend I am getting something and that's sad on my part. So this is temporary right now till we move out get jobs and then things will be back to normal. Thanks again!!!!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2009): I do think I know what you are saying because I have kind of been in the situation myself. I have never been a very jealous acting person, but in the same token I am aways respectful around other women's boyfriend's and husband's and I expect the same behavior in return. My child's father and I met in the state where I grew up. We started having problems and he could not seem to find any work. He said it would be better for us in his home state because he knew lot's of people and it would be easy for him to get work there. I agreed. As soon as we got there one of his "friends" that had heard he was coming back to town called. This was not an ex-girlfriend, just apparently the sister of one of his male friends that he grew up with. She wanted to meet me so he told her to come on over. When she got to our place my boyfriend introduced us and she barely acknowledged me. I could see right away that she was indeed a party girl, but since she had gone out of her way to "meet me" I was trying not to judge her. After about an 1 1/2 hours of practically sitting on my boyfriend's lap, talking only about people, places and things I would know and obviously wanting to remaind him of some good old days spent skinny dipping in the lake, she used her entire body to hug him and did not even say good-bye to me prior to leaving. A couple of other times that she stopped by while other couples were over our house she appeard to act this way around all men, not just mine. She would do things like say the tag in her underware was bothering her all night and pull her pants half way down while bending over and backing her butt up towards the guys and asking them for help removing the tag or stick her breast completely in the faces of other men beyond the point of contact to the point of suffocation to "see if they liked her new purfume." None of the women were very happy with her behavior. One time she claimed to see something in my husbands mustashe that she could not just tell him about, she had to rub her entire body on him and she put here face so close to his, I thought she was getting what ever it was off with her tounge. Since she was my boyfriend's friend, I still wanted to be nice to her so I called to invite her to a suprise birthday party that I was having for him on a Friday night. She asked me why not Saturday, since that was his actual birthday and I told her because I had to work 3rd shift. She said she would be there, but did not show. On Saturday night when I was at work I called home to say hi to my boyfriend and check on our daughter. As soon as he answered the phone I heard her in the background. This was at 1200 at night. I asked him what she was doing there and he said that she just felt so bad she missed his party that she wanted to stop by with a six pack and celebrate with us. I said what do you mean "us" and he said well she did't know you had to work! Needless to say, she was never allowed back in our house again. My point is it does not matter weather I trusted my boyfriend or not, she was being very disrespectful towards me and all of the other female friends we had. I just think that it is a little unfair for everyone to jump on you about the jealousy thing. Even though you said that other women around your man make you uneasy and that is something that you probably need to work on, but if this women is following your husband around the house and seems more interested in entertaining him then making friends with you or even spending time with her own man, then I would say you have a right to be upset. In your case since these people are letting you stay in their home, I do not think you should say anything, just try to get out ASAP.
...............................
A
female
reader, blueskize1 +, writes (5 February 2009):
blueskize1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionA lot of what you all said makes a lot of sense. I do trust him I guess we have been together and believe it or not alone. My fiance likes to be alone and by himself that's just the way he is. This is the first time we have been around so many people and this is the first time I seen him with another female, interacting. I think I am jealous yes and it could destroy what I have. Unfortunately we have to be here until we get our own place we just moved here from out of state. The girl in question is a party girl she is young we all been there already including her man. We go to bed she goes out with her friends oh and invited me. My boyfriend said next time go with her I really don't want to. I am not here to cause trouble just want a quiet life with no drama!!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2009): Befriend the enemy and ask her kindly in a giggle (wink) that she allows you more time alone with your partner acting like she's missed you because you are so crazy (especially in the mornings) that you feel like jumping all over him with naughty thoughts when he least expects it! Ask her if she likes to play this game with her partner, etc. As I said, when you can't control the enemy, befriend her.
...............................
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (5 February 2009):
The fact you say you don't trust ANY girls makes me think that you may be a bit over sensitive to this girl.
She may just be a flirty person, she may just think of your guy as a friend.
Considering you live with her why don't YOU spend a bit more time with her, get to know her and make friends. You may see that she is not being a threat at all and that's just the way she is.
Good Luck!! xx
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2009): While I understand completely how you feel, only because my husband is a bit of a flirt himself, and I know that you said it is her flirting with him, how on earth did this arrangement get set up? I mean I will be perfectly honest with you, while I do not think my husband would go as far a cheating on me, I still would not want to have to live with another women if she is going to be flirting with him or vis-versa. I would feel as if I was being constantly disrespected in what is suppose to be my home too. Is there no way out? I mean if this is just a temporary arrangement then you might have to just grin and bear it. If this is long term and you can not think of a reason that you can give your boyfriend as to why you are unhappy and should move, (probably other then the actual one since you said he may get mad)then I think that you should wait until your boyfriend is not home and confront her, preferbly loud enough for her boyfriend to hear. Of couse, if this is an arrangement where they opened their doors to you because you have no where else to go, then I would not advise it. It is probably never good in a relationship to act jealous or insecure, it really is a turn off for most men, but if it has gotten to the point where you know that something he or she or both are doing right in front of your face day in and day out then that is just flat out disrespectful towards you. I honestly can't understand why you shouldn't be able to tell your boyfriend how it is making you feel. I mean he should be putting your feelings first over hers, right? Good Luck!
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2009): The more insecure you act towards your boyfriend about this, the more unattractive to him you will become. Either you trust him or you don't. You can't stop him from being attracted to her whether he is or not, but if you trust his character, then he won't act on that attraction. If you don't have that trust, maybe you shouldn't be engaged to him in the first place.
...............................
|
