A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hi! please help! i've met this guy online and we connected instantly. was only a member for a day or two when i came across his profile and i thought i'd send him an interest. he got back to me and since then we have been chatting via ym for months. i was skeptical at first about online dating and not naive at all but i was developing strong feelings and he's the same!how amazing that u find this connection to someone you havrn't met in person yet? we have only sopken on phone once but we also txts and chat everyday and emails. we've exchanged lots of photos and seen each other on cam. i had to cancel my profile on the site i met him as i can no longer tolerate other interests from men. and they don't even like connect to me like this guy. i've chatted with men on the process of getting to know this guy and there were a few who were interesting but nothing i feel with this guy? somtimes i just want to back off and perhaps jus ignore him for days but he looks for me and cos i have strong feelings for him then i'd enp up replying back. i am trying hard to fight this feeling as i thought its a little absurd but how can you teach ur heart? i swear i've never had this thing before. he's overseas but is planning to come home for good and he's coming home this xmas too and plans to spend a few days with me..i've been v supportive of him and i feel at times he wants me to jus be here and listen to him. he's going through some problems with his leg due to an accident a few years ago and he tells me all about his frustrations with the lawyers and stuff. when he plans for the future he makes sure that i'm part of it and it makes me feel happy but also unsure. the thing is i have a child and i don't think he remembers seeing it on my profile? how could this be? it never came up during our convos. it must have been in the beginning of meeting him but it's not something i shld bring up cos i thgt he was aware of this? somehow i never had the chance cos he's its always about his plans when he comes back for good or job opportunities back home and so on. he mentioned about having kids and that it shld jus be me and him against the world? am stuck! i don't want to hurt him and thinks i deceived him! cos i did not and have been at most open and compassionate and supportive all along with him? and it stated on my profile although i cancelled it a month after becoming a member as it got tedious and i was falling for him! besides we were chatting on ym so there was no point being there. now, he's comin home this xmas and he's book his flights and am supposed to meet him at airport and he stays with me for a few days! at this point, i feel i'm about to lose him..i don't know if i should jus disappear and make no contacts with him or tell him ive made up my mind and can't continue this relationship any longer..or i can wait and tell him face to face? i do love him a lot and i think of this meeting since we met and likewise him. he is so looking forward to seeing me once and for all...i can't cope and haven't been able to think straight as i feel lost....he's the one i want regardless of the distance, injuries, insecurities and all his flaws..am not sure if he wants me no matter what....i kno that i should just tell him but can't bear the outcome of all this....i cant face it! please help anyone? thank v much! Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2008): I am happy for you that you have discussed this with him. You are feeling confused and scared of rejection, but give him time and space. Don't contact him. You are not desperate.
Lyn Karol said: "Learn to laugh at your troubles and you'll never run out of things to laugh at".
Hope things will work out well for you. Keep me informed.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni appreciate this so much! i've already told him about this situation before getting any responses from here. i was indeed very stressed out and i couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel but it had to be done! he was quite shocked but i was adamant i had no plan to deceive him.it got muddled up and and i firmly believe and is sure that he asked me before we got into deep but somehow i got the feeling he feels betrayed but i fully understood him wanting to be left alone for a day to recollect himself and he indeed got back to me but i am even more confused now. he's not even asked me how my child is or further questions? i feel this is one sided. he only thinks of his best interest where as if he ever needs me i'm always there for him..i'm beginning to feel let down and have started to back off a little as i don't really need to put pressure on him or anyone..it is hard cos i have strong feelings for him but i feel so much better that it is all in the open and its now up to him if he still wants to continue this relationship or not. still, i don't know where i stand and he doesnt want me to give up on him either! i need strenght and more advice please...thanks so much
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2008): Don't delay, you have to clear this with him. The sooner you do it the quicker the nigtmare of worry and stress will be over. Better to know where you stand then to worry and stress.
Emmet Fox said: "It makes no difference how deeply seated may be the trouble, how hopless the outlook, how muddled the tangle, how great the mistake. A sufficient realization of love will dissolve it all".
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