| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: I have been dating a guy i met on a dating site for 8 months now, and i thought everything was going really well. He has got to know my kids and is buying them xmas presents, we have been on holiday etc... So, i was showing a friend how the dating site worked because she was interested and guess what ! He still has an active account and has been logging on. So i asked my best friend to create an account and contact him - and he wrote back wanting to know more. I know i have to confront him, but how and i really don't want my kids to experience another man leaving their lives, which complicates things in my mind.
View related questions:
best friend, on holiday Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2005): I think this points out the general problem of exposing anyone you are involved with to your young kids. The current romantic attachment should be kept out of their lives and seperate. It was way too soon to vacation together as a 'family'.
A
male
reader, harshbutfair  +, writes (9 December 2005):
 This is a CLASSIC internet dating problem I'm afraid. It seems that some people become addicted and even after hooking up with one person for a fully-fledged relationship can't help but keep their profile active and keep that stream of human-dating-flesh coming their way. Everyone who considers 'net dating: Be aware.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2005): What a cad this man is! I find this sad because apparently you didn't know this man as well as you thought. And now-because of this..you and your children will be deeply hurt by the outcome of what could likely happen. Just my opinion, but love is such a huge risk...that eight months is not time enough, for a man and woman to "prove their mettle" to each other. He has another dark side to him and thankfully, you have found this out before you invested years into him and married him. It sounds like he likes the idea of playing around on the dating sites. One measure of your boyfriend's sincerity and seriousness toward you, was whether he had removed his profile from the website where you first encountered each other, or rendered it inactive. Many sincere, good men leave it up and inactive while dating and usually 'take it off' after 4-6 months of 'exclusive' dating and most women usually do the same. Some people use the Internet constructively to solve problems in their life, such as using it as a tool for finding a compatible partner, sadly-others do not. This could be your bf. Some people play around on the dating sites, never intending to get serious. They in effect, become wrapped up in that fantasy of having a variety of women, at their beck and call. It's very appealing to the needier people who crave ego massages and constant confirmation of their attractiveness. It's rather pathetic, isn't it?
On the good side, the internet allows people to meet and discover mutual interests who might never have encountered each other in the course of their daily lives. This could've been what you thought happened in your case, but I think you made a mistake in your choices and you know this now. A woman has to be diligent and cautious in that first year, after dating begins. She should never, ever absolve herself of the need to judge the character of a candidate she picks for a partner. Observing his behavior is best..not always believing what he says! Perhaps you brought him into your life way too quickly. I have a strict ONE year rule about bf's meeting the kids. You need to bring him, veeerrry slowly, into your universe and see how he functions. Introduce him to your trusted friends, first and honoring their opinions of him. And he should gradually introduce you to his world. It take many people a lot longer than six months to a year to fully trust and know how one definitely feel. Make that first year "a test run at courtship" of sorts-a small price to pay if it means he will be the man you want to spend a lifetime with.
You and he need to talk because this is a case where his actions are truely speaking louder than his words. He will be defensive...and he may try to worm his way out of it. What you do about this will be up to you. If you do decide to kick his "sorry ass to the curb"-make a point to go find a man in the real world..stay away from the dating sites. There are good guys on these sites, but unless you are really good at discerning the good guys from the con artists/ cads, best to stay off the internet. Good luck and stay strong, dear
Hugs Irish
...............................
A
female
reader, mommyofthree +, writes (9 December 2005):
 Though you may not want to expose them to another man leaving their lives you certainly do not want to expose them to a man willing to lie to and possibly cheat on their mother. If you confront him with the information you are likely to get nothing but lies from him, so that will not do much to change your situation. In the end I think it would be better for you and especially your kids if you get rid of this guy now before they have any more time to become emotionally involved with him.
...............................
A
female
reader, fairyangel  +, writes (9 December 2005):
 This is one guy you obviously must not trust.You have all the proof of that.It seems he is a chancer that thinks he can have it all... with you and with other women too.I think you should ask him what is going on, and get to the bottom of this now and find out from him, what his intensions are with you.Is he looking around for a new interest, with the intension of dropping you, or does he intend playing the field and stringing you along at the same time? He will know that you have checked up on him, but it was not out of mistrust, but purely by chance. Let him know this, so he cant throw that in your face when you speak to him about it. Notice that I did not use the word..CONFRONT... so do not come across as confrontational, that will just get his back up. Just approach this in a calm manner, but dont just keep it to yourself, and dont allow him to make a fool of you by letting him continue this.I hope all turns out the way you wish, and hope I have been able to help. Take Care.
...............................
|
