A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I've been dating this guy for about 9 months and he works full time. I only see him once a month and when I do see him it's only for sex. I understand that he has a crazy work schedule but once a month? We've had problems before because he was always busy or would go off the grid and expect me to be perfectly normal after he disappears for a week or two. He recently got out of a long term 4 year relationship and said he didn't want to go back to that but then he says he wants to continue with me. I can't wait until someone decides they want to commit to me. Am I dragging it or should I just let him go? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2017): I'm a prostitute and that sounds like the relationship I have with my regular client except we see each other a bit more often than that-like once every 3 weeks and we talk for hours before and after the sex and he texts me in between sending little jokes or asking how my uni is going ect-if a guy is seeing you less than once a week I can guarantee he's using you for sex and if it's only once or twice a week or you never stay over etc then he has a wife or gf.Don't let them do it-he's getting all the benefits and you're just being left lonely after you've had to put out for him.Make sure you get something out of every guy you give your body to-if that's not a committed relationship,affection,being there when you need him then make sure it's cash, nice clothes, fixing your car or doing jobs for you,taking you out ect then at least if they cheat on you or use you and leave you, you can think well screw you I got something out of this too.It's not being a gold digger, it's only fair-if you want something from me, you have to contribute something in return
A
female
reader, luvlikewater +, writes (15 June 2017):
Sounds like you're the mistress in this situation. Hate to say it but that four year relationship didn't end. Who turns off 4 years overnight? For you it's only been 9 months...who knows what this guy has going on when you're not communicating? He could have a completely different life going on hun. You should find someone who wants to make time for you other than just tho have sex. I'm guessing the sex is ok? But is out worth your frustration and energy? Is it even worth the time?
Go out and enjoy life! You deserve better baby!
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A
female
reader, Enlightenme +, writes (15 June 2017):
 Do not let yourself be the victim, have strength and go with your heart. If you do not feel it is right then it's probably is not. If your inner sense is telling you that you are worthy of so much more, you are! You are young and there are so many wonderful human beings out there that will respect and add to your happiness. Open yourself up to new opportunities to find the "right one"
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2017): Nine times out of ten, scarcity means he has a girlfriend. You're probably the girl on the side. The girl on the rebound; until he finds something better, or goes back to his ex.
Don't completely fault him either. You're partially responsible; because you authorize him to just use you and go. Sweetheart, you're not a fool. Don't play dumb, just to keep him coming back.
You ask nothing of him but to show-up. You don't demand the respect or attention you deserve. You let him run things according to what he wants. If he's your age or just a few years older; you are still his equal in the relationship. You have the right to demand more time and attention, or send him on his merry way. Don't be so needy and easy to use. You're better than that! Sitting around waiting to
just raise your skirt when he comes on his monthly call!
If he can't find time to see you more often, and always uses working as an excuse. It is likely he can't see you because he's living a double-life. He can only free himself once a month to get sex with you, then off he goes. Back to the other girl he has in his life.
You must be very naive, to allow this to happen to you. You don't give his age. If in his twenties or older, he is likely a married-man. I suspect he's working on getting his ex back. You give him sexual-release while he waits.
He's not completely out of that relationship. I suspect he's still working on getting it back. You're on stand-by for sex.
Even if all I've said is totally untrue, you deserve much better than being used for sex. He must think you're dumb. You're not, or you would have just kept doing it. No questions asked. You wouldn't have come to us to help you push yourself to make the right decision. You let your feelings take control, but your common-sense is saying: "Girlfriend, something's wrong here?!!"
Tell him go back to his ex. You're done being used.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (14 June 2017):
 You call it a relationship. I call it he gets the rewards you get the nothing.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 June 2017):
 I have to agree with everyone here, it's NOT a relationship if it consists of texting and meeting up for sex once a month.
If I were you I'd let him go. YOUR needs aren't met here. And HE isn't going to change his mind anytime soon. He is content with the sex on tap and NOT having to put in an effort or emotional investment.
WANT more for yourself.
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (14 June 2017):
 This IS NOT a relationship.
This is a man using you for sex. If that's not what you want, block him, delete him and move on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2017): He just got out of a long term relationship. He is not ready to commit to you or anyone else. He likes his life just as it is. And he likes a little sexual relief.
I suspect you are not his only booty call either. What you have with him isn't a relationship at all. Sorry. :(
He is the one with the upper hand.
Now, it's your turn to decide if you will give him that upper hand and continue being his sex toy for convenience when he can fit you into his life.
Are you worth more than that? Do you want more than that?
Ask yourself these questions and you will have your answer.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (14 June 2017):
 You're not dating; you're hooking up and he made that clear. Unfortunately, just because you want more doesn't mean he'll give it.
He wants to continue having sex with you; that's not dating.
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A
male
reader, Phil052 +, writes (14 June 2017):
 This isn't a relationship, it's a FWB arrangement thinly disguised as a relationship. You deserve better than this, he is clearly not committed to the relationship, but enjoys some sexual relief once a month. How nice of him to give you an hour of his time......
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (14 June 2017):
 Let him go. Sweetie, he told you flat out he doesn't want a committed relationship, and his actions of disappearing suddenly and then only seeing you once a month, it really says it all about how interested he is in this "relationship".
I say end it before you get your heart stomped on.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2017): This isn't dating. This is booty call and that's all it is. Sure he wants to continue. He doesn't have to spend any real time with you, take you anywhere or account for his whereabouts. He can just disappear and reappear as the mood strikes him. Meanwhile you sit around stewing and wondering when you will hear from him again. Sure you're dragging and he's dragging you down. Should you let him go? Yes!
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (14 June 2017):
 Heh, here's an idea. Instead of waiting for someone (anyone?) to "commit" to you, why don't you find someone who is worthy of YOUR commitment? Someone who will treat you well and make time for you in their life? Who will take you out and show you off?
Nobody is so busy that they only have time to see you once a month - and then only for sex. He is using you, plain and simple. I have to ask, why is someone so young settling for this treatment?
I assume, as he has just come out of a 4 year relationship, that he is older than you? He is astute enough to know that, if he makes you some vague offer of wanting to "continue" with this arrangement (it is NOT a relationship, don't kid yourself!), that this will suffice to keep you there for his monthly booty calls.
Girlfriend, you are worth so much more than this guy is offering you. Stop selling yourself so cheap.
Another thing: make sure you always use contraception and, if you haven't been using barrier contraception, I would go and get yourself tested because, likely as not, you are not the only female he is having sex with. Nobody disappears for a couple of weeks at a time due to work pressure.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2017): LET GO......he's using you .... he may have a busy job but so does a lot of people and theye have forfilling relationships ...did he only see his ex once a month ..... set yourself free go date someone who treats you better . You deserve to be someone's number one ...GL.
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