A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:my dilema is, I fell inlove with a girl 7 months ago, at the moment it is a long distance relationship, she lives in england, i live in scotland, we visit eachother quite alot, the problem is however, she has a history of fertility problems, and yearns a child, she has been offered a cycle of IVF on NHS before she has to have a hysterictomy.. so we spoke about it and i agreed i would go through this IVF with her, (i'm not really wanting a family at the moment, but since this was her potential last chance at motherhood i wanted to do it and make her happy) It is a loving relationship, and even though we are living apart, we are very close, and ive never really doubted her love and commitment to me, well not until.....I asked her half jokingly that if i also had fertility problems (shooting blanks) would she try and find a sperm donor etc to go through the IVF with her.. she paused and then said "i don't know" i was shocked, the fact she paused speaks volumes to me! i was willing to spend my life with this woman, even in the knowledge she could never give me kids... so for her to say that is devastating, I love her, but i feel betrayed, i suppose my question is, should i stay with her? i think i already know the answer...I do understand her maternal need is to strong for me to coprahend, it seems she is willing to lose us for just the chance of parenthood.. with anyone! even when we said we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together..
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female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (24 January 2009):
Well you were willing to be a dad without actually wanting the child. You were willing to bring an unwanted kid into the world.... and you say you will do this to make her happy... so why does it matter if the child she has is yours?
She wants to have a kid, you've said fine, you've said you'll raise it with her. What difference does the paternity make if you are only doing it to be with her?
Her having a child and her being with you seem to be separate issues here. Are you saying that if you had met her and she was a single mum you would have not got involved?
If you aren't bothered about the kid then let her get on with it and you will still be with her forever. If the IVF didn't work then she may well have wanted to adopt anyway so that makes the whole argument a bit silly.
Stop thinking about your own manhood and think about being with her. If being with her means watching her have a child then deal with it and stop worrying so much about your own sperm being used.
Good Luck!! xx
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